1
00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:35,268
We just got hit by a

2
00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:36,570
shitload of asteroids sir.

3
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:37,939
Ah, rear thrusters are out!

4
00:00:37,972 --> 00:00:39,272
Turn the force field up to

5
00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:40,440
one thousand percent.

6
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,175
This is gonna be close!

7
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,211
I just shit my space pants!

8
00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:45,545
Put the wheels down

9
00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,815
We're about to land on Mars!

10
00:00:58,558 --> 00:00:59,794
I can't breathe

11
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:00,795
There's no air.

12
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,596
We were fools to come here.

13
00:01:02,964 --> 00:01:03,898
Fools!

14
00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:05,565
Remember your training men.

15
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,567
What's happening to me?

16
00:01:07,602 --> 00:01:09,837
My eyes!

17
00:01:12,974 --> 00:01:14,541
Gerold, no!

18
00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:17,612
He just got married!  Aww!

19
00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:19,981
Now it's happening to me!

20
00:01:20,014 --> 00:01:22,382
Our suits are malfunctioning!

21
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,283
Fight it!

22
00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:24,317
Fight it Carl!

23
00:01:25,887 --> 00:01:26,988
Noooo!

24
00:01:27,021 --> 00:01:28,990
His wife just had a baby.

25
00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:31,358
Why God?

26
00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:35,663
Ho-ly shiiiiit!

27
00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:42,670
Pretty terrible isn't it?

28
00:01:42,704 --> 00:01:45,006
This is what it would have
been like if we'd attempted

29
00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:47,809
to travel to Mars only
seven years ago.

30
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:53,346
That was a mercy kill.

31
00:01:54,514 --> 00:01:55,549
Yep it's true.

32
00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:58,318
Space travel was pretty grim
stuff back when big

33
00:01:58,351 --> 00:01:59,419
government was
running the game.

34
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:02,589
But now that space exploration
has been privatized,

35
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,626
soon space travel
will be like this.

36
00:02:06,761 --> 00:02:09,429
I was just playing future
tennis on the holocourt.

37
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,631
When do we land?

38
00:02:10,665 --> 00:02:11,833
We just did sir.

39
00:02:11,866 --> 00:02:14,669
Ha! Hot damn,
I didn't feel a thing.

40
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:20,507
Welcome to Mars.
More space champagne?

41
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,010
We're taking applications
now to be part of our

42
00:02:23,044 --> 00:02:23,978
maiden voyage.

43
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:27,481
So blast off from your
mundane world and spend

44
00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:29,751
your life among the stars.

45
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:32,620
The voyage begins one
month from now.

46
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,554
so send your
applications today.

47
00:02:36,758 --> 00:02:38,025
Okay little Davey.

48
00:02:38,226 --> 00:02:41,062
I'm just gonna need you
to open real big for me.

49
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:44,598
Don't need to scream.

50
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:46,968
No, no, this is just a mirror.

51
00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:49,036
Okay just a sec.

52
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:51,773
This can't hurt you.

53
00:02:51,806 --> 00:02:53,941
How's my future
son-in-law doing?

54
00:02:54,809 --> 00:02:56,878
I'm doing just great
Dr. Simpson.

55
00:02:56,911 --> 00:02:58,545
I got you something.

56
00:02:58,578 --> 00:02:59,546
Open it!

57
00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:01,682
Uh, well, I'm sort of
in the middle of...

58
00:03:01,716 --> 00:03:03,084
- Open it.

59
00:03:03,117 --> 00:03:03,985
Oh-kay.

60
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:09,589
It's a VHS copy of the
movie <i>Son In Law</i> .

61
00:03:09,624 --> 00:03:10,658
Fitting huh?

62
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,727
Right, because I'm marrying
your daugter, yes.

63
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,862
Pop it in real quick.
I want to show you a scene.

64
00:03:14,896 --> 00:03:16,697
Yeah I don't think we
have a VCR here.

65
00:03:16,731 --> 00:03:17,597
Oh God damnit!

66
00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:21,468
Oh, okay, well uh
there's this scene...

67
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:24,605
Where they're at a concert
in this bar...

68
00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:26,040
... and Pauly Shore is like...

69
00:03:27,108 --> 00:03:29,610
"It's the weasel buuudy"

70
00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:31,511
You know what? You know
what? I'll watch it when I

71
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:32,680
get home tonight.

72
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,916
Ooh ooh, will you call me
when you get to that scene?

73
00:03:34,949 --> 00:03:37,450
Ah you know, I probably
won't but we can talk about it

74
00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:39,787
tomorrow when I get in. Okay?

75
00:03:40,822 --> 00:03:42,657
Oh okay, yeah yeah yeah.
We'll talk about it

76
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:43,557
in the morning
when you get in.

77
00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:45,358
You know maybe I should
get back to him.

78
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,929
He's having a real
tough time here.

79
00:03:47,962 --> 00:03:49,897
'Course he is.
Kids hate the dentist.

80
00:03:49,931 --> 00:03:51,565
Everyone does actually.

81
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:54,568
Every single person we see
this is the worst day

82
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:55,703
of their whole year.

83
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,005
That's why the suicide rates
are so high for us.

84
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,877
Okay, uh, well if you're
going to be doing that...

85
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:05,579
I think it's time for little
Davey to go out and

86
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:08,582
see his mom. Okay we'll
schedule a follow up buddy.

87
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:10,450
Here you go sport.

88
00:04:10,685 --> 00:04:11,853
Have a sucker.

89
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,388
You know why I always
give 'em a sucker?

90
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:18,491
Gets them addicted to sugar.

91
00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:19,492
Rots their teeth.

92
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:23,530
Keeps them coming back.

93
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:25,532
We keep drilling their faces.

94
00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:28,135
The more faces we drill...

95
00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:30,838
The more money we get. >

96
00:04:30,872 --> 00:04:31,772
I understand.

97
00:04:32,807 --> 00:04:34,876
We take that money
and we buy things with it.

98
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:36,611
Ah huh, I got that part.

99
00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:40,413
The things we buy make
us more attractive to women.

100
00:04:40,615 --> 00:04:42,183
Naturally, sir.

101
00:04:42,216 --> 00:04:43,951
If they're attracted to us...

102
00:04:43,985 --> 00:04:45,518
then we can have
sex with them.

103
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:48,455
Yeah you don't need to
keep explaining. Um...

104
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:49,690
And when we
have sex with them

105
00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:50,958
we can achieve orgasm.

106
00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:53,060
Ah, how far is this
gonna go?

107
00:04:53,995 --> 00:04:55,096
And when we orgasm...

108
00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:56,429
our brains...

109
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,698
...release serontonin...

110
00:04:57,732 --> 00:04:59,399
of well being.

111
00:05:02,003 --> 00:05:05,206
Which helps with the
whole suicide thing.

112
00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:06,741
Okay, I'm going
to go ahead and

113
00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:07,975
bring in the next patient.

114
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,178
Okay gang, next up is...

115
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:12,545
...Katie Sheldon.

116
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:18,719
I would suck a dick.

117
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,222
I would literally suck a mans
dick to have your life.

118
00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:22,189
- Okay thank you Cooter.

119
00:05:22,223 --> 00:05:23,991
- Do you hear the words
that I'm saying?

120
00:05:24,025 --> 00:05:25,826
I'm telling you... Hey
hey, look at me.

121
00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:28,663
I'm telling you... I would
blow a man...

122
00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:31,933
...I would blow an adult
man for your life.

123
00:05:31,966 --> 00:05:34,068
Do you hear me?
- Yeah I hear you Cooter.

124
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:37,537
My friend here is engaged
to the hottest girl in town...

125
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:40,007
...and her old man is just
giving him his dental

126
00:05:40,041 --> 00:05:41,943
practice when he
retires.  I mean...

127
00:05:41,976 --> 00:05:44,879
...hello. Who's dick did you
suck in another life

128
00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:47,048
to get dealt this hand?
Because I want to meet this

129
00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:48,049
dick and I want to suck it.

130
00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:51,118
- Cooter trust me, my life
is not that great.

131
00:05:51,152 --> 00:05:52,687
- What are you talking about?

132
00:05:53,354 --> 00:05:54,889
- You ever look at your life

133
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:57,858
...and you know exactly how
it's going to go....

134
00:05:57,892 --> 00:05:59,627
...all the way down?

135
00:06:00,695 --> 00:06:01,629
- No.

136
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,631
- There are literally no
important decisions

137
00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:04,699
left for me.

138
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:06,200
I will get the
dental practice...

139
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:07,635
...were I will drill

140
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:10,470
little kids faces until
I am 65 years old.

141
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,273
I am going to marry Candace.

142
00:06:12,306 --> 00:06:14,742
Those things are going
to happen.

143
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:16,677
We will probably have
two children...

144
00:06:16,711 --> 00:06:18,646
...and we'll work every
day to make our mortgage.

145
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:20,281
And we'll scrimp and
save to put our kids

146
00:06:20,314 --> 00:06:22,016
through college. And then
once they're gone

147
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,684
we'll wonder where all
the time went.

148
00:06:23,718 --> 00:06:25,619
And then we'll live as
strangers in the same house

149
00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:26,519
until one of us dies

150
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,622
and the other teters
off into dimentia.

151
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:31,892
I would suck your
dick for that life.

152
00:06:31,926 --> 00:06:32,927
I would literally suck your...

153
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,594
Dude!

154
00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:35,863
Let me suck your dick.

155
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,198
- What?
-I'm serious

156
00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:38,899
Let's finish our drinks
go into the bathroom

157
00:06:38,933 --> 00:06:40,668
Turn our phones off
and I will suck your dick.

158
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,770
- Alright Cooter you are
drunk and you need to go.

159
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:43,938
-Why are you being like this?

160
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,072
- Cooter, I'm not gay.

161
00:06:45,106 --> 00:06:47,141
What? Neither am I.

162
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:48,976
There's nothing gay about it.

163
00:06:49,010 --> 00:06:51,544
Look I'm trying to do you a
solid so you can be like...

164
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,280
...Oh, I guess my life
is not so bad.

165
00:06:53,314 --> 00:06:55,282
I got a hot fiance,
I got my own business,

166
00:06:55,316 --> 00:06:56,951
and my best friend is
blowing me right now.

167
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:59,687
- Why are you so weird
when you're drunk?

168
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,554
- That hurt my feilings.

169
00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:04,591
I am going to the bathroom.

170
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,127
- Hey Cooter cool out!

171
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,328
- He is cut off.

172
00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:08,329
- He's fine.

173
00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:08,963
For the last
three weeks, ordinary

174
00:07:08,996 --> 00:07:09,964
people across the country

175
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:12,933
have been sending video
submissions hoping to be

176
00:07:12,967 --> 00:07:15,336
one of the lucky citizens
chosen at random

177
00:07:15,369 --> 00:07:18,571
to be among the first people
to set foot on Mars.

178
00:07:18,773 --> 00:07:21,842
And we have our first winner:
Wimmy Tilliams.

179
00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:25,146
A 34 year old father of
five who teaches Sunday

180
00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:27,248
school in Watertown,
South Dakota.

181
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:28,983
- Wimmy you just got
the big news.

182
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:29,850
How are you
feeling today?

183
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:31,584
- I'm so excited to be
going on an

184
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:32,787
honest to God adventure.

185
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,088
To take a journey
where absolutely

186
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,089
anything can happen.

187
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:37,590
- Now Wimmy we ran
some quick calculations...

188
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:40,061
...and not only will you be
one of the first people

189
00:07:40,094 --> 00:07:41,729
to ever set foot on Mars...

190
00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:43,097
...you will also be the

191
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,332
fattest astronaut
ever in space.

192
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,135
- Oh. Is that so?

193
00:07:48,169 --> 00:07:49,270
- By quite a lot.

194
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:52,807
- Okay, well, I guess it
won't really matter since

195
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,809
since in space, everyone
is weightless.

196
00:07:55,009 --> 00:07:56,243
- True, true.

197
00:07:56,277 --> 00:07:58,112
But you'll still look fat.

198
00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:01,615
- I'm sorry, is there a
question here?

199
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,784
- Bartender?  There's a
guy in the bathroom

200
00:08:03,818 --> 00:08:05,920
and he is way out of line.

201
00:08:12,093 --> 00:08:14,829
Hey, I had to
go to sleep. I'm so sorry

202
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,363
you had a hard day though.

203
00:08:16,397 --> 00:08:18,966
Just make yourself a
nice drink and relax.

204
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,202
We can talk about things
in the morning.

205
00:08:21,235 --> 00:08:22,703
Love Candace.

206
00:08:25,139 --> 00:08:26,107
Ha!

207
00:08:26,140 --> 00:08:27,007
I tricked you with the note.

208
00:08:27,041 --> 00:08:28,709
We're not going to talk

209
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:29,610
about things in the morning.

210
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,679
We're going to talk about
them now!

211
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:32,646
- Oh no!

212
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,882
Why did you say "oh no"?

213
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:39,086
- No no, no, don't cry, don't
cry. I didn't mean "oh no"...

214
00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:40,888
I just... I was surprised.

215
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:43,657
- I'm sorry.  With the
wedding coming up

216
00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:45,426
I'm just under a lot of
pressure.

217
00:08:45,459 --> 00:08:47,394
- Yeah it's okay.  It's okay.

218
00:08:47,428 --> 00:08:49,797
- Do you... still love me?

219
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,966
- Of... yeah of course
I still love you.

220
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:54,401
- Do you love me more than
anyone in the world?

221
00:08:54,435 --> 00:08:56,003
- Yes you know I do.

222
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,806
- If someone had a gun
aimed at me...

223
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:02,309
and your mom and dad and
you had to pick one person

224
00:09:02,343 --> 00:09:04,778
to save... would you pick me?

225
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:06,280
- Of course I would yeah.

226
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:09,750
- If we had a baby and the
gunman was either going to

227
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:12,319
shoot me or the baby.
Who would you save?

228
00:09:12,353 --> 00:09:14,054
- Candace I don't like doing
these hypotheticals...

229
00:09:14,088 --> 00:09:15,856
-Who would you save?

230
00:09:15,890 --> 00:09:19,793
- Well... I would try and,
and save both of you...

231
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,896
- No! If you had to pick one!

232
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:25,299
- I, I guess I would save...

233
00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:27,968
...the baby, since it hadn't

234
00:09:28,002 --> 00:09:30,171
really been able to live any
of it's life yet?

235
00:09:32,607 --> 00:09:34,141
Oh my god!

236
00:09:34,175 --> 00:09:36,343
- No I meant you.
I would save you.

237
00:09:36,377 --> 00:09:39,713
- I would jump in front of
the bullet so both you and

238
00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:40,981
the baby could live.

239
00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:43,050
- I didn't know that was
an option.

240
00:09:43,384 --> 00:09:45,886
Okay, next time I...

241
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,889
...jump in front of her
and the baby. Okay.

242
00:09:52,526 --> 00:09:54,094
Aw, fuck me.

243
00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:58,966
Fucking stupid old VCR.

244
00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:02,303
God damn RCA cords. Knots.

245
00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:06,006
This piece of shit Pauly
Shore movie. Fucking idiot.

246
00:10:06,675 --> 00:10:09,009
Two more passengers
have been selected for

247
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:12,146
billionaire Elron Branson's
maiden Mars expedition.

248
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,448
The first name is
Todd Sullivan.

249
00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:16,784
Todd is a middle school
math teacher from

250
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:18,319
Fredericksburg, Virginia.

251
00:10:18,352 --> 00:10:20,454
Yeah I signed up for
this Mars thing because my

252
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:22,056
job is working
with little kids

253
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:23,123
and I don't know if you

254
00:10:23,157 --> 00:10:24,358
worked with
little kids but...

255
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:25,492
...they fucking suck.

256
00:10:25,526 --> 00:10:28,262
- Mr. Todd, I fell down
on the slide.

257
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,030
- Get the fuck outta
here Jeremy.

258
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:31,265
I'm playing my game.

259
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,201
Anyway...

260
00:10:34,235 --> 00:10:36,170
...as you can see
with all this shit...

261
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:38,372
I was just like,
"fuck Earth".

262
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:40,207
- Whoopsie, none of
that was bleeped.

263
00:10:40,241 --> 00:10:41,442
Sorry about that.

264
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,310
- The second contestant
annouonced today

265
00:10:43,344 --> 00:10:44,511
is Peggy Bork.

266
00:10:44,545 --> 00:10:46,847
And what a story <i>she</i> has.

267
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,482
Four years ago in a sleepy

268
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:49,350
town in Missouri,

269
00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:51,852
neighbors responded to
a terrible smell

270
00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:53,254
and found the
decomposing bodies of

271
00:10:53,287 --> 00:10:55,055
Harold and Margaret Bork.

272
00:10:55,356 --> 00:10:56,790
Locked in their
secret basement

273
00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:59,059
was their 24 year
old daughter Peggy.

274
00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:01,428
Peggy had been shut off
from the world since birth.

275
00:11:01,462 --> 00:11:04,865
- For the last 4 years, Peggy
has had to acclimate

276
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,233
to the real world.

277
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:07,234
Car!

278
00:11:07,268 --> 00:11:08,502
No Peggy!

279
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,004
But now
Peggy's world is

280
00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:11,505
about to get even bigger.

281
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,207
I spent so
much of life

282
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,075
trapped in the
same place...

283
00:11:15,109 --> 00:11:18,045
...that sometimes, I didn't
even feel alive.

284
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,813
You and me both Peggy.

285
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,215
Every since
I've been free...

286
00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:23,350
... I'm determined to
see everything this

287
00:11:23,384 --> 00:11:25,286
planet has to offer.

288
00:11:25,319 --> 00:11:28,789
That's why, I'm
going to Mars!

289
00:11:29,023 --> 00:11:30,591
- Fascinating story.

290
00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:32,359
And I believe there's
only one more seat

291
00:11:32,393 --> 00:11:34,128
available for the
Mars voyage.

292
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:36,597
- That's right, the raffle
ends tomorrow at midnight

293
00:11:36,631 --> 00:11:38,899
so get those submissions
in people.

294
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,101
The spaceship blasts off
July 12th.

295
00:11:48,777 --> 00:11:51,845
My name is Kyle Capshaw...

296
00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:53,447
...and I need to go to Mars.

297
00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:06,260
This is it man...

298
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:07,961
your last night of freedom.

299
00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:09,063
How do you feel?

300
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:10,364
- Why did you take me here?

301
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,032
- Candace said that we
couldn't have your

302
00:12:12,066 --> 00:12:13,901
bachelor party at
a strip club.

303
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:17,104
But she didn't say we
couldn't have it at a

304
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:19,039
male strip club. Ha ha.

305
00:12:19,073 --> 00:12:20,274
- She said "stripclubs".

306
00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:21,643
- What are you looking
at your phone

307
00:12:21,676 --> 00:12:23,077
so much for anyway?

308
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,346
What?  What do you see
guys like this everyday?

309
00:12:25,379 --> 00:12:27,448
- They're about to announce
the last passenger

310
00:12:27,481 --> 00:12:28,650
for that Mars thing.

311
00:12:28,683 --> 00:12:31,552
- Why do you care? It's not
like you signed up for it.

312
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:34,054
- Yeah, no, no, no, no.
I just um... you know.

313
00:12:34,088 --> 00:12:35,189
I, I, I don't know.

314
00:12:36,390 --> 00:12:39,960
You did! Wait you're getting
married in three weeks.

315
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,195
How are you gonna
go to Mars?

316
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:42,296
What are you thinking?

317
00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:43,263
- I don't know!

318
00:12:43,297 --> 00:12:44,965
- What would you just
bail on the wedding?

319
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:45,700
- No.

320
00:12:45,734 --> 00:12:47,034
- Dude Candace
would fucking

321
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:48,268
kill you if she found out

322
00:12:48,302 --> 00:12:49,436
you even applied to that.

323
00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:52,172
She didn't even want you to
go to female strip clubs

324
00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:54,141
but we found a loop hole. Eh?

325
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:56,310
- Well this isn't really a
loophole. I mean, we're still

326
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,679
technically disobeying her

327
00:12:57,712 --> 00:12:59,614
It's just less enjoyable...

328
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,081
...for me.

329
00:13:01,115 --> 00:13:02,916
- Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, me too.

330
00:13:03,752 --> 00:13:05,018
Look! The strippers
are doing that

331
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:06,186
thing where they dip

332
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:08,055
their dicks in everbody's
mouth for like a second.

333
00:13:08,623 --> 00:13:12,426
Let me ask you. Do you think
it's rude to <i>not</i> participate?

334
00:13:12,660 --> 00:13:14,662
- Go knock yourself
out Cooter.

335
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:17,030
Ah, what, what,
what is that? >

336
00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:18,198
- It's a hair scrunchie.

337
00:13:18,633 --> 00:13:19,333
- Why? >

338
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:21,201
- So they can
see your eyes.

339
00:13:23,705 --> 00:13:24,706
Okay... >

340
00:13:24,739 --> 00:13:27,141
This is the moment we've
all been waiting for.

341
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,976
- Drum roll please.

342
00:13:29,878 --> 00:13:31,979
- And the final
passenger on the first

343
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:35,048
ever manned mission to
planet Mars is...

344
00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:37,985
- Please God, please God,
please God come on.

345
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:40,722
- Marty Wagner!

346
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,958
heard the good news.

347
00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:48,061
- I didn't sign up.
My friend is

348
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:49,530
always playing jokes on me.

349
00:13:49,563 --> 00:13:52,199
I thought I was signing a
petition to get the trash

350
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:53,635
trucks to come
on the weekends.

351
00:13:53,668 --> 00:13:56,236
pretty good this time

352
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:58,572
'cause you're going to Mars!

353
00:13:58,606 --> 00:14:00,407
- Oh, oh please
don't make me go.

354
00:14:00,441 --> 00:14:02,443
I, I'm horribly agoraphobic.

355
00:14:02,476 --> 00:14:04,144
I can't even leave the house.

356
00:14:04,178 --> 00:14:06,580
The idea of traveling down
the street terrifies me.

357
00:14:06,614 --> 00:14:08,382
You can't make
me go to Mars.

358
00:14:09,651 --> 00:14:11,552
- Nooooo!

359
00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:13,721
- Some people are just born
lucky I guess.

360
00:14:14,622 --> 00:14:15,989
Can we borrow 50 dollars?

361
00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:18,058
- What? No you can't
borrow 50 doll...

362
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,193
Who are all these twinks?

363
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:20,994
- I met them in the dick line.

364
00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:22,162
This one knows
where we can get

365
00:14:22,196 --> 00:14:23,464
crystal meth. You want in?

366
00:14:23,497 --> 00:14:25,365
- No I'm not going
to lend you 50 bucks

367
00:14:25,399 --> 00:14:27,067
to do meth with twinks.

368
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:30,137
- That's okay. We know
ways to get 50 dollars.

369
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,072
- You know what, I think
I'm just gonna call it a night.

370
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:35,242
But, but thank you... for
the bachelor party.

371
00:14:35,844 --> 00:14:37,578
- Alright. Your loss man.

372
00:14:57,498 --> 00:14:59,099
You've got to be fucking
kidding me!

373
00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:01,168
- Ah, ah! What's wrong?
What happened?

374
00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:03,437
- You're still asleep...
on our wedding day!

375
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,707
- Did the alarm not go off?
I mean I, I set it.

376
00:15:06,808 --> 00:15:08,776
Candace it's only 7am.

377
00:15:10,745 --> 00:15:13,615
I always dreamed that my
future husband would be

378
00:15:13,648 --> 00:15:16,383
so excited to marry me
that he wouldn't even be

379
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,485
able to sleep the night
before the wedding.

380
00:15:18,519 --> 00:15:20,120
And you slept fine!

381
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:22,824
- I'm sorry I... slept okay.

382
00:15:22,857 --> 00:15:25,125
- I'm going to take a shower.
When I get up...

383
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:26,828
you better be dressed
and ready to

384
00:15:26,861 --> 00:15:28,730
take me over to the girls.

385
00:15:28,763 --> 00:15:31,131
- Okay, yeah. Sorry again.

386
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:35,402
Okay, so... when it's our
anniversary, don't sleep

387
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,204
the night before. Okay.

388
00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:39,807
...incredible late

389
00:15:39,841 --> 00:15:41,009
breaking announcement:

390
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:43,745
Marty Wagner, one of the last
passengers chosen for the

391
00:15:43,778 --> 00:15:46,580
maiden mission, committed
suicide this morning.

392
00:15:46,614 --> 00:15:47,715
- What?

393
00:15:47,749 --> 00:15:50,517
- Now we have some very
cool footage of the suicide

394
00:15:50,551 --> 00:15:52,787
that we're about to show but
we must warn you that

395
00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:54,288
it is pretty graphic.

396
00:15:54,555 --> 00:15:55,823
I don't want
to do this.

397
00:15:55,857 --> 00:15:58,525
I love my life.
I have children.

398
00:15:58,559 --> 00:16:00,427
But I just really
can't handle

399
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,129
the idea of going to Mars.

400
00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:04,131
Please don't make me go.

401
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:05,465
You have to!

402
00:16:05,667 --> 00:16:06,768
- Noooo!

403
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:13,473
Oh my god!

404
00:16:13,507 --> 00:16:14,441
- Ah, so cool. I
could seriously...

405
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,443
I could watch stuff
stuff like that all day.

406
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,312
Now since they
only have hours

407
00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:19,714
until takeoff this morning

408
00:16:19,747 --> 00:16:22,115
the Mars Enterprises
team held a random

409
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,718
drawing of local
submissions only.

410
00:16:23,751 --> 00:16:25,720
- Holy... Shit.

411
00:16:25,753 --> 00:16:27,554
- And once again the
winner chosen was

412
00:16:27,588 --> 00:16:29,456
one Kyle Capshaw.

413
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:30,692
- Holy shit!

414
00:16:30,725 --> 00:16:32,694
- Our news vans are on their
way to Mr. Capshaw's house

415
00:16:32,727 --> 00:16:34,662
as we speak to give
him the good news.

416
00:16:34,963 --> 00:16:36,229
- Holy shit!

417
00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:39,499
of the shower.

418
00:16:40,735 --> 00:16:42,302
- Kyle Capshaw!
- Ah!

419
00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:45,172
You've been selected to go
to Mars. How do you feel?

420
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:46,273
- You have to leave.

421
00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:48,643
you have to leave...
to Mars.

422
00:16:48,676 --> 00:16:51,311
- Listen to me. My fiance
doesn't know that I entered

423
00:16:51,345 --> 00:16:53,781
the contest. We're supposed
to get married today.

424
00:16:53,815 --> 00:16:55,650
Please do not put this
on television.

425
00:16:55,683 --> 00:16:57,885
she's going to be? 1 to 10?

426
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:02,155
Oh Candace!

427
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:03,758
You son of a bitch!

428
00:17:03,791 --> 00:17:06,226
- Baby I'm sorry, the, the,
the, the chair must've

429
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,228
fallen against the door. It
was an accident.

430
00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:10,263
It was?

431
00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:13,901
- Totally yeah totally.
Now baby? Precious lamb?

432
00:17:13,935 --> 00:17:16,738
Uh, I need to ask you to do
something very important.

433
00:17:16,771 --> 00:17:17,805
- What?

434
00:17:17,839 --> 00:17:20,540
- You know how I'm
incredibly superstitious?

435
00:17:20,574 --> 00:17:21,643
- No you're not!

436
00:17:21,676 --> 00:17:24,712
- Yes I am, yes I am.
And superstition dictates...

437
00:17:24,746 --> 00:17:27,649
that we cannot see eachother
on the day of the wedding.

438
00:17:27,682 --> 00:17:31,184
- Then how are you supposed
to drive me to Carol's house

439
00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:32,920
to get my fucking
makeup done?

440
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:37,659
They're getting
away! Get 'em!

441
00:17:37,692 --> 00:17:39,459
Are you driving crazy?

442
00:17:39,493 --> 00:17:40,762
It feels like you're
driving crazy.

443
00:17:40,795 --> 00:17:42,764
- No, no, I'm driving
perfectly normal.

444
00:17:42,797 --> 00:17:44,431
Slow down asshole!

445
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,702
Thanks for joining us here
at the Mars Enterprises

446
00:17:47,735 --> 00:17:50,470
launch site. Behind me you
can see the shuttle being

447
00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:52,239
prepared for it's
maiden voyage

448
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,642
which will commence in
just a few short hours.

449
00:17:54,676 --> 00:17:56,209
- Five lucky individuals

450
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:58,880
will be traveling to the red
planet this evening.

451
00:17:58,913 --> 00:18:01,548
- And the captain of the ship
is non other than Mars

452
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:05,385
Sir Elron Branson.

453
00:18:05,419 --> 00:18:07,922
Now, not many people
know this but besides being

454
00:18:07,955 --> 00:18:11,358
a billionaire philanthropist,
Elron Branson is also a

455
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,895
former Air Force test pilot
who will be looking after

456
00:18:13,928 --> 00:18:15,963
the tourists and making
sure they have a safe

457
00:18:15,997 --> 00:18:17,397
and fun journey.

458
00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:20,500
He's a pilot, and EMT,
a gormet chef and

459
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:22,870
was voted People Magazine's
sexiest man alive

460
00:18:22,904 --> 00:18:23,971
three years in a row.

461
00:18:24,005 --> 00:18:26,573
- And the final passenger
on the Mars 1's maiden

462
00:18:26,607 --> 00:18:27,709
voyage is...

463
00:18:28,042 --> 00:18:29,576
Pediatric dentist

464
00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:30,812
Kyle Capshaw.

465
00:18:30,845 --> 00:18:33,346
- And they are all white.

466
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,017
Every single one of them.

467
00:18:36,050 --> 00:18:37,952
- White as the pure
driven snow.

468
00:18:37,985 --> 00:18:39,821
Zero diversity among
this crew.

469
00:18:39,854 --> 00:18:42,255
- Huh, that's awkward.

470
00:18:43,725 --> 00:18:45,492
Ah, just in time.
We're here okay.

471
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:46,426
Carol's house.

472
00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:48,663
You have to be
dressed and at the

473
00:18:48,696 --> 00:18:50,631
chapel by 12 o'clock.
got that?

474
00:18:50,665 --> 00:18:51,531
- Got it.

475
00:18:51,565 --> 00:18:53,333
- Now give me a kiss.

476
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:53,901
- Muah.

477
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,409
Come on Cooter you better
fucking pick up.

478
00:19:04,879 --> 00:19:06,748
- Hello. Hello. Hey Kyle
what's up, what's up?

479
00:19:06,781 --> 00:19:07,648
What's going on man?
What's up?

480
00:19:07,682 --> 00:19:09,516
hell have you been for

481
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:11,418
- Oh just been really
busy doing work.

482
00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:12,586
Lots of work stuff. Just
working on a lot of work.

483
00:19:12,620 --> 00:19:15,857
- Well I got a huge problem
man. The wedding is today.

484
00:19:16,190 --> 00:19:17,457
- I know that.
I know that man.

485
00:19:17,491 --> 00:19:18,525
I'm on my way
there right now.

486
00:19:18,893 --> 00:19:21,629
Twinks, the wedding is
today. Get your tuxes on.

487
00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:23,330
- Cooter listen to me, I need
your help okay.

488
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:25,733
I, I, I got accepted...

489
00:19:25,767 --> 00:19:27,467
...into the Mars program.

490
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:29,436
Are you thinking
about going? >

491
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:30,370
- I don't know. I haven't
had a chance to think.

492
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,539
I've got Candace yelling
at me. I've got

493
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,541
TV reporters following
my every move.

494
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:36,010
- Are you on TV man?
That's awesome!

495
00:19:36,043 --> 00:19:37,477
- Cooter it's not awesome.

496
00:19:37,511 --> 00:19:38,880
I don't know what to do.

497
00:19:38,913 --> 00:19:40,948
I mean this Mars think I'd
only be gone for like a

498
00:19:40,982 --> 00:19:43,350
month and a half, but if I
leave on the day of our

499
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:44,619
wedding without telling
Candace...

500
00:19:44,652 --> 00:19:46,754
whole relationship away.

501
00:19:47,889 --> 00:19:49,624
Maybe I have cold feet about
the wedding and this is

502
00:19:49,657 --> 00:19:51,826
some sort of reaction to
that. I, I don't know

503
00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:52,927
what's going on with me.

504
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,762
- Dude, say no more. Sounds
like you need some time

505
00:19:54,796 --> 00:19:56,530
to figure this all out. I'm
gonna drive down to that

506
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:58,099
launch pad and stall
that fucking spaceship

507
00:19:58,132 --> 00:19:59,000
for you dude.

508
00:19:59,033 --> 00:20:00,635
Twinks, get the gun
out of the trunk.

509
00:20:00,668 --> 00:20:03,436
a spaceship. That's insane.

510
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,039
- Ah you're right,
that's insane.

511
00:20:05,072 --> 00:20:06,941
I can't stall a spaceship.
They're made of metal.

512
00:20:06,974 --> 00:20:09,010
All the meth in the world
couldn't stall a spaceship.

513
00:20:09,811 --> 00:20:11,679
I'll stall the
wedding instead.

514
00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:12,980
Heading to the church Kyle.

515
00:20:13,014 --> 00:20:14,347
I've got you buddy.

516
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:15,650
Twinks, to the car!

517
00:20:34,035 --> 00:20:35,036
Hello Sandy.

518
00:20:35,069 --> 00:20:36,671
What do you think
we should do?

519
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:40,842
Don't be like that.

520
00:20:40,875 --> 00:20:43,644
I'm sorry that you have to
live in the glove compartment.

521
00:20:44,111 --> 00:20:45,880
She thinks I've
thrown you out.

522
00:20:46,314 --> 00:20:49,516
Boy I really could use your
cool level head right now.

523
00:20:49,784 --> 00:20:52,519
Huh, I've gotten us
into a real mess.

524
00:20:53,921 --> 00:20:54,889
this right?

525
00:20:55,122 --> 00:20:55,990
Oh ya!

526
00:20:56,023 --> 00:20:57,959
- We're getting a God
damn pay raise!

527
00:20:58,860 --> 00:21:00,127
- I mean, what, what...

528
00:21:00,161 --> 00:21:01,128
What would you do?

529
00:21:03,130 --> 00:21:05,498
Oh come on. We don't
have time for that.

530
00:21:06,234 --> 00:21:09,469
Besides, you said last
time was the <i>last</i> time.

531
00:21:14,041 --> 00:21:15,610
Make sure no one's looking.

532
00:21:17,912 --> 00:21:19,379
didn't see us.

533
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:23,017
- Well, the coast is clear.
But this is the last time.

534
00:21:23,251 --> 00:21:24,018
Okay?

535
00:21:24,051 --> 00:21:26,120
After today, I'm
a married man.

536
00:21:31,558 --> 00:21:32,827
Now tell me.

537
00:21:35,863 --> 00:21:36,931
Thank you for

538
00:21:36,964 --> 00:21:39,634
coming. Here's a VHS of
"Father of the Bride".

539
00:21:40,034 --> 00:21:42,469
Thank you for coming.
Here's a VHS of

540
00:21:42,502 --> 00:21:44,071
"Father of the Bride".

541
00:21:44,105 --> 00:21:45,973
Cooter! How are you?

542
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:47,708
- Cool it mister S.

543
00:21:47,909 --> 00:21:49,744
Everybody, listen up!

544
00:21:49,977 --> 00:21:53,114
I have an announcement
from the groom himself.

545
00:21:55,182 --> 00:21:57,919
First of all, no TVs.

546
00:21:58,286 --> 00:21:59,519
That's right.

547
00:21:59,552 --> 00:22:02,056
- Awe Cooter, there's a scene
I wanted to show everyone.

548
00:22:02,089 --> 00:22:04,792
- Secondly, everyone hand
in their cellphones.

549
00:22:04,825 --> 00:22:05,927
Groom's orders. >

550
00:22:06,294 --> 00:22:09,462
Kyle has prepared a big
surprise for everyone. >

551
00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:13,134
But it's on live television
right now. So nobody

552
00:22:13,167 --> 00:22:16,137
watch the news or check
your phones in case

553
00:22:16,170 --> 00:22:18,839
someone you know is
watching the news.

554
00:22:18,873 --> 00:22:21,142
- I saw the news this
morning. They're looking

555
00:22:21,175 --> 00:22:23,077
for Kyle because he's
supposed to...

556
00:22:23,110 --> 00:22:25,613
- Get the hell out of
this wedding!

557
00:22:25,646 --> 00:22:27,815
- Cooter explain what's
happening right now.

558
00:22:27,848 --> 00:22:30,918
- Shut the fuck...
uuuuuup!

559
00:22:31,986 --> 00:22:34,855
I don't know Sandy, I mean
of course I want to go

560
00:22:34,889 --> 00:22:37,224
to Mars. I, I want to have
adventure in my life.

561
00:22:37,692 --> 00:22:39,727
But I made a
commitment to her.

562
00:22:41,762 --> 00:22:44,065
Awe no, don't say that.
She's a good person.

563
00:22:44,497 --> 00:22:46,566
And who knows, maybe
getting married will help

564
00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:48,602
fix the relationship. I
mean, the point is...

565
00:22:49,103 --> 00:22:51,238
It would completely
devestate her if I left her

566
00:22:51,272 --> 00:22:54,642
at the alter. Isn't that what
being a real man is?

567
00:22:54,976 --> 00:22:57,577
Huh? Putting the feelings of
others before yourself?

568
00:22:59,313 --> 00:23:01,115
You know what?

569
00:23:01,148 --> 00:23:03,784
I'm sorry Sandy but I think
I've made a decision.

570
00:23:05,585 --> 00:23:06,787
I'm getting married.

571
00:23:15,296 --> 00:23:18,733
holy fuck are you?

572
00:23:18,766 --> 00:23:20,234
- Don't worry honey
I'm on my way.

573
00:23:20,267 --> 00:23:22,770
isn't "here".

574
00:23:22,803 --> 00:23:24,739
that door in seconds

575
00:23:24,772 --> 00:23:26,674
I'm going to
Phil Hartman your ass.

576
00:23:28,609 --> 00:23:29,677
- Actually...

577
00:23:29,710 --> 00:23:32,079
You know what? I just, I
just run into some pretty

578
00:23:32,113 --> 00:23:34,015
bad traffic on I25.

579
00:23:34,048 --> 00:23:35,182
- Fuck you pussy!

580
00:23:35,216 --> 00:23:37,885
You get through that traffic
and get here to marry me!

581
00:23:37,918 --> 00:23:40,621
- Yeah and you're uh...
yeah your'e breaking up.

582
00:23:40,654 --> 00:23:42,923
It's, it's really hard
to hear you right now.

583
00:23:42,957 --> 00:23:45,192
I'm going to fucking Mars.

584
00:23:47,328 --> 00:23:49,330
We are now going live
to the arrival of

585
00:23:49,363 --> 00:23:50,631
the final passenger.

586
00:23:50,664 --> 00:23:51,699
- Mister Capshaw. >

587
00:23:51,732 --> 00:23:53,300
Just in time. Follow me.

588
00:23:53,334 --> 00:23:55,002
Now we're getting down
to the wire here so I'm

589
00:23:55,036 --> 00:23:56,771
gonna have to get you
to sign and walk.

590
00:23:56,804 --> 00:23:59,173
This first one is a release
form for the cameras and

591
00:23:59,206 --> 00:24:01,574
any promotional material we
would use your likeness for.

592
00:24:03,277 --> 00:24:05,578
- This one absolves our
company from any liability

593
00:24:05,613 --> 00:24:07,148
in case of spontaneous
incineration.

594
00:24:07,181 --> 00:24:09,183
- Incineration? Ah...

595
00:24:09,717 --> 00:24:11,218
How often do these explode?

596
00:24:11,252 --> 00:24:13,054
- We don't know yet.
Maiden voyage and all.

597
00:24:13,087 --> 00:24:14,855
- Right yeah okay.
That makes sense.

598
00:24:15,656 --> 00:24:18,125
This next one absolves our
company from all liability

599
00:24:18,159 --> 00:24:19,727
in the event you suffer
a mental breakdown.

600
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:21,262
- Oh, does that
happen a lot?

601
00:24:21,295 --> 00:24:23,330
- Sometimes. People go
space crazy.

602
00:24:23,898 --> 00:24:26,934
- Geez, okay. Well, hope
that doesn't happen to me.

603
00:24:26,967 --> 00:24:29,070
- And this last one absolves
our company from any

604
00:24:29,103 --> 00:24:31,105
liability in case one of the
other passengers goes

605
00:24:31,138 --> 00:24:32,840
space crazy and
shoots you or something.

606
00:24:32,873 --> 00:24:33,941
- Are there guns
on the spaceship?

607
00:24:33,974 --> 00:24:36,043
- You know I don't know the
answer to that but I

608
00:24:36,077 --> 00:24:37,344
would be happy to look
into it for you.

609
00:24:37,378 --> 00:24:39,346
- Oh thank you so much.
That would be great.

610
00:24:39,380 --> 00:24:41,215
- But I am going to need
you to sign real quick.

611
00:24:41,248 --> 00:24:43,017
- Oh sure, right.

612
00:24:43,050 --> 00:24:44,852
Then Steve Martin

613
00:24:44,885 --> 00:24:46,854
gets this little
tear in his eye.

614
00:24:46,887 --> 00:24:49,790
He's looking at his daughter
but all he can see...

615
00:24:50,791 --> 00:24:51,992
...is his little girl...

616
00:24:52,026 --> 00:24:55,129
Oh God damnit Cooter, why
can't we watch the television?

617
00:24:55,162 --> 00:24:57,064
- Come on, you were doing
good Mr. S.

618
00:24:58,399 --> 00:25:00,234
Where is he?

619
00:25:00,267 --> 00:25:02,036
- He's on TV. Nobody watch it.

620
00:25:03,270 --> 00:25:05,840
Hey everybody, I found
another TV in the banquet

621
00:25:05,873 --> 00:25:07,641
room. We can just power
this thing up and...

622
00:25:09,276 --> 00:25:11,679
- Cooter crossing the line!

623
00:25:11,712 --> 00:25:13,981
Oh my God
he's bleeding!

624
00:25:14,014 --> 00:25:16,117
Somebody call 911.

625
00:25:17,418 --> 00:25:19,687
Cooter... this man is...

626
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:21,789
- Look everybody Kyle
is on TV!

627
00:25:21,822 --> 00:25:23,691
There he goes.
Kyle Capshaw.

628
00:25:23,724 --> 00:25:25,326
The last passenger onto
the shuttle.

629
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:28,062
About to leave everyone on
Earth... for Mars.

630
00:25:29,096 --> 00:25:30,231
- What!?

631
00:25:30,264 --> 00:25:32,233
Yeah he's not getting
married at all today.

632
00:25:32,266 --> 00:25:33,801
He's going to Mars!

633
00:25:42,009 --> 00:25:46,380
Hello straggler.  I'm Elron
Branson. Welcome aboard.

634
00:25:49,750 --> 00:25:52,286
Pick up, pick up. You
better pick up.

635
00:25:56,757 --> 00:25:58,893
- Ooh...burn.

636
00:25:59,093 --> 00:26:00,995
approaching lift off.

637
00:26:01,228 --> 00:26:01,962
- Ten...

638
00:26:02,263 --> 00:26:03,230
- Nine...

639
00:26:03,264 --> 00:26:04,165
- Eight...

640
00:26:04,365 --> 00:26:05,666
- Seven...

641
00:26:05,900 --> 00:26:06,834
- Six...

642
00:26:07,234 --> 00:26:08,102
- Five...

643
00:26:08,435 --> 00:26:09,703
- Four...

644
00:26:12,806 --> 00:26:13,474
- One!

645
00:26:13,507 --> 00:26:14,808
- Lift off!

646
00:26:32,593 --> 00:26:34,395
Okay, artificial gravity
has set in.

647
00:26:34,428 --> 00:26:37,264
Listen up my fellow...
astronauts.

648
00:26:38,799 --> 00:26:41,068
First thing's first:
When I call your name

649
00:26:41,101 --> 00:26:43,337
come on up, get yourself
a nametag and tell us

650
00:26:43,370 --> 00:26:44,838
a little about yourself.

651
00:26:44,872 --> 00:26:46,874
What you did on Earth and
What you want to get

652
00:26:46,907 --> 00:26:47,808
out of this trip.

653
00:26:48,142 --> 00:26:49,343
Todd Sullivan. >

654
00:26:52,379 --> 00:26:54,815
- My name is Todd. I think
it's stupid that we all have

655
00:26:54,848 --> 00:26:56,517
to stand up here and
introduce ourselves,

656
00:26:56,550 --> 00:26:58,919
and uh, fuck nametags.

657
00:26:58,953 --> 00:27:02,523
- Oh okay, well we don't have
to... wear them, I guess.

658
00:27:02,556 --> 00:27:04,992
But I did stay up all night
making everyone

659
00:27:05,025 --> 00:27:06,260
individual drawings.

660
00:27:08,229 --> 00:27:10,965
Oh-kay. Well I guess
we can just... >

661
00:27:10,998 --> 00:27:13,000
Eat cocktail shrimp
and play deck games.

662
00:27:13,467 --> 00:27:14,768
Okay Wimmy

663
00:27:14,802 --> 00:27:16,203
did your serve make
it over the net?

664
00:27:16,237 --> 00:27:17,504
- Uh... yeah.

665
00:27:17,805 --> 00:27:19,907
- Okay, Kyle... now you
take a card.

666
00:27:19,940 --> 00:27:21,141
Did you return his volly?

667
00:27:21,175 --> 00:27:23,010
- It' says... yeah.

668
00:27:23,043 --> 00:27:25,145
- Oh good. Okay, Wimmy
take another card.

669
00:27:25,179 --> 00:27:26,780
did you return the volley?

670
00:27:27,248 --> 00:27:28,415
- It says I missed.

671
00:27:28,449 --> 00:27:30,451
Oh match point!

672
00:27:30,484 --> 00:27:32,419
Kyle, you get a reward card.

673
00:27:33,287 --> 00:27:36,457
Now would you like surprise
now or surprise later?

674
00:27:36,490 --> 00:27:37,825
Ah...

675
00:27:37,858 --> 00:27:39,827
I will take surprise later.

676
00:27:39,860 --> 00:27:41,795
You know the commercials
made Future Tennis

677
00:27:41,829 --> 00:27:43,330
seem a lot more...

678
00:27:43,364 --> 00:27:44,565
... future-y.

679
00:27:44,598 --> 00:27:45,833
- And tennis-y.

680
00:27:45,866 --> 00:27:47,034
- Did you make this game?
Elron?

681
00:27:47,067 --> 00:27:49,436
- Well if you guys aren't
feeling it, we could play...

682
00:27:49,470 --> 00:27:53,540
future badminton, future
jai alai, or future darts.

683
00:27:53,574 --> 00:27:55,976
- Ah, you know, I'm good.
I'm gonna go mingle.

684
00:28:01,148 --> 00:28:03,017
Hey Peggy right?

685
00:28:03,050 --> 00:28:04,151
Yes!

686
00:28:04,184 --> 00:28:05,386
- You know I don't want to
be super negative right

687
00:28:05,419 --> 00:28:08,088
out the gate but doesn't all
of this seem a little less

688
00:28:08,122 --> 00:28:10,057
cool than they made it
out to be?

689
00:28:10,090 --> 00:28:12,893
I mean... I sacrificed quite
a lot to be here.

690
00:28:13,227 --> 00:28:16,096
Oh... What did you sacrifice?

691
00:28:16,130 --> 00:28:18,932
- Well I mean... I... uh...

692
00:28:18,966 --> 00:28:21,001
I was actually supposed
to get married today.

693
00:28:21,035 --> 00:28:22,202
Wow!

694
00:28:22,236 --> 00:28:25,172
- Yeah but I mean we all have
families and friends back

695
00:28:25,205 --> 00:28:27,341
on Earth that we just picked
up and left for a month.

696
00:28:27,374 --> 00:28:29,176
- Your friends will still
be there for you

697
00:28:29,209 --> 00:28:30,177
when you get back.

698
00:28:30,210 --> 00:28:31,578
- Ah, I don't know about that.

699
00:28:31,613 --> 00:28:34,181
- Sure they will! I just told
my friends...

700
00:28:34,214 --> 00:28:36,483
"Gang! I'll be back
in a month."

701
00:28:36,517 --> 00:28:38,952
And then I left them 20
bowls of food...

702
00:28:38,986 --> 00:28:41,455
and I filled the
bathtub with milk.

703
00:28:41,488 --> 00:28:42,423
- What?

704
00:28:42,456 --> 00:28:43,590
- For drinking!

705
00:28:43,625 --> 00:28:46,026
- I'm gonna assume you're
talking about cats here.

706
00:28:46,060 --> 00:28:48,429
You just left them with a
bathtub filled with milk?

707
00:28:48,462 --> 00:28:50,264
- Purrrrr-cisely!

708
00:28:50,464 --> 00:28:52,266
- Peggy it's June...

709
00:28:52,299 --> 00:28:54,435
That milk is gonna go
bad in like a day or two.

710
00:28:55,903 --> 00:28:57,137
- What do you mean?

711
00:28:57,171 --> 00:28:59,607
- Well I mean, that's all you
left for your cats to drink?

712
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,042
- Yeah...
What do you mean?

713
00:29:02,076 --> 00:29:04,244
- Well what's going to happen
when the bathtub milk turns

714
00:29:04,278 --> 00:29:05,312
and they've got
three and a half weeks

715
00:29:05,346 --> 00:29:06,480
with nothing to drink?

716
00:29:07,514 --> 00:29:08,982
- What do you mean?

717
00:29:09,283 --> 00:29:11,485
- Nothing. I don't
mean anything.

718
00:29:12,152 --> 00:29:15,422
- Anyway, like I said, your
loved ones will be there

719
00:29:15,456 --> 00:29:17,858
waiting for you when
you get back.

720
00:29:19,026 --> 00:29:20,494
Okay friends
listen up!

721
00:29:20,527 --> 00:29:22,029
Loser!

722
00:29:22,262 --> 00:29:25,566
- Okay, I'm just going to
pretend I didn't hear that.

723
00:29:25,966 --> 00:29:28,335
Loo-ser!

724
00:29:29,937 --> 00:29:32,306
The time has come for us
to go into stasis.

725
00:29:32,607 --> 00:29:34,375
Now this will be a chemical
sleep that will make

726
00:29:34,408 --> 00:29:37,444
the next two weeks of travel
feel like a two hour cat nap.

727
00:29:37,478 --> 00:29:39,380
Wooo! He said cats!

728
00:29:39,413 --> 00:29:41,683
- Uh, is this going to be
a shot or something?

729
00:29:41,716 --> 00:29:45,386
- No. We will each be taking
500 easy to swallow pills.

730
00:29:45,419 --> 00:29:47,488
- Did you say 500?
- What? 500?

731
00:29:53,527 --> 00:29:55,262
Can we get
some more water?

732
00:29:55,295 --> 00:29:56,997
- Ah... No.

733
00:30:10,444 --> 00:30:11,613
Ouch...

734
00:30:11,646 --> 00:30:14,548
Ouch. I slept on
my arm weird.

735
00:30:15,115 --> 00:30:17,685
God, this aerobed
half deflated.

736
00:30:17,719 --> 00:30:20,020
- Aw, my neck!

737
00:30:20,053 --> 00:30:22,956
Elron? I'm having a little
trouble moving my neck.

738
00:30:23,524 --> 00:30:24,958
How did I get over here?

739
00:30:24,992 --> 00:30:26,527
- Well after you guys took
all those Ambien...

740
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:28,028
Stop! What?

741
00:30:28,061 --> 00:30:31,098
- Ambien? We took, we
took 500 Ambien?

742
00:30:31,131 --> 00:30:33,200
- Ha ha, pretty cool
right Todd?

743
00:30:33,233 --> 00:30:36,170
- That's what stasis is?
Isn't that how Lil Peep died?

744
00:30:36,203 --> 00:30:37,538
- Awe, guh!

745
00:30:37,571 --> 00:30:39,707
Oh wait, oh okay
you're just all gonnna

746
00:30:39,741 --> 00:30:40,809
take 'em off? Okay.

747
00:30:40,842 --> 00:30:43,645
Oh hey. Did you guys, did
you guys notice my sign?

748
00:30:44,411 --> 00:30:48,315
It says "Welcome to Mars.
A place for friends."

749
00:30:48,348 --> 00:30:51,118
Oh that's, yeah,
that's cool man.

750
00:30:51,151 --> 00:30:53,120
- As you can see I drew
each one of us.

751
00:30:53,153 --> 00:30:54,555
Took me most of the
two weeks here.

752
00:30:54,588 --> 00:30:55,757
Todd what do you think?

753
00:30:55,790 --> 00:30:59,326
- Uh, it sucks, it's stupid.
You're stupid, you suck.

754
00:30:59,359 --> 00:31:02,697
Come on Todd.

755
00:31:03,765 --> 00:31:05,499
Oh here we go.

756
00:31:05,532 --> 00:31:08,202
Ladies and gentlemen, in a
few moments, the airlock

757
00:31:08,235 --> 00:31:11,171
door will open and in front
of the watching world

758
00:31:11,205 --> 00:31:14,709
we will become the first
people to step from this ship

759
00:31:14,742 --> 00:31:17,511
and see Mars with
our own eyes.

760
00:31:25,452 --> 00:31:28,121
- This is incredible.

761
00:31:34,662 --> 00:31:36,698
gather around.

762
00:31:36,731 --> 00:31:38,666
Just want to lay down
some ground rules

763
00:31:38,700 --> 00:31:40,601
for my fellow...
Martians.

764
00:31:40,635 --> 00:31:42,369
- Oh hoo hoo.
- Woooo.

765
00:31:42,402 --> 00:31:43,303
Thank you Jesus.

766
00:31:43,337 --> 00:31:46,206
- The first and most
important rule is...

767
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:47,207
Have fun!

768
00:31:47,241 --> 00:31:50,077
Have fun up here guys.
This is your vacation.

769
00:31:50,110 --> 00:31:52,246
Mars is for fun.

770
00:31:52,279 --> 00:31:54,114
The second rule is: Do not
touch the airlock

771
00:31:54,147 --> 00:31:55,415
because it will kill you.

772
00:31:55,449 --> 00:31:57,484
Now, down that corridor is
the sleeping pods.

773
00:31:57,518 --> 00:31:59,453
Go claim a room and be
back here for our first

774
00:31:59,486 --> 00:32:01,455
Martian lunch at
14:00.

775
00:32:04,859 --> 00:32:05,693
Well hello Kyle.

776
00:32:05,727 --> 00:32:08,362
- Oh hey Wimmy. I see that
you are...

777
00:32:08,395 --> 00:32:11,465
praying again. A lot a, lot a
prayer with you alright.

778
00:32:11,498 --> 00:32:13,701
So uh... So what's
you're story?

779
00:32:14,101 --> 00:32:16,671
- Well, I'm a faithful husband
with a wife who is quite

780
00:32:16,704 --> 00:32:18,138
a beauty... on the inside.

781
00:32:18,171 --> 00:32:20,173
A proud father of five
angelic children.

782
00:32:20,207 --> 00:32:23,210
I have type two diabetes and
I don't believe in dinosaurs.

783
00:32:23,243 --> 00:32:24,144
What about you?

784
00:32:24,177 --> 00:32:27,514
- Uh... I'm a dentist
which is cool...

785
00:32:27,548 --> 00:32:29,784
Actually no, it's not
little kids hate me

786
00:32:29,817 --> 00:32:32,620
and uh... I <i>do</i> believe
in dinosaurs.

787
00:32:32,654 --> 00:32:34,856
Well, we'll work on that.

788
00:32:34,889 --> 00:32:37,558
That's why I'm here.
I'm a missionary of sorts.

789
00:32:37,591 --> 00:32:40,193
I'm gonna turn Mars into
the first completely

790
00:32:40,227 --> 00:32:41,194
Christian planet.

791
00:32:41,228 --> 00:32:44,331
- Okay but there aren't any
people on Mars.

792
00:32:44,899 --> 00:32:46,533
- Aren't there?

793
00:32:46,801 --> 00:32:48,268
- Oh no.

794
00:32:50,672 --> 00:32:55,142
Woah. Elron, did you
make all this yourself?

795
00:32:55,175 --> 00:32:57,511
- I had a little help from
my good friend...

796
00:32:57,544 --> 00:33:00,715
Murdered Mid-western
Homosexual Teenager.

797
00:33:01,548 --> 00:33:02,516
- One more time Elron?

798
00:33:02,549 --> 00:33:05,887
- I said this meal was
actually prepared by one

799
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:09,857
Murdered Midwestern
Homosexual Teenager.

800
00:33:10,357 --> 00:33:12,660
It's an acronym. It's
technical name is

801
00:33:12,694 --> 00:33:15,630
Mechanical Ultra Responsive
Dietary Electronic Robotic

802
00:33:15,663 --> 00:33:18,231
Energized Delivery Meal
Interface Dietary Wellness

803
00:33:18,265 --> 00:33:20,567
Efficiency System Tactile
Edible Responsive

804
00:33:20,601 --> 00:33:23,236
Nutrition Home Or Mobile
Omnivorous Sustenance

805
00:33:23,270 --> 00:33:25,840
Expeditious Xenoculinary,
User Aligned Lunch Tool

806
00:33:25,873 --> 00:33:28,208
Enabled Eating Nourishment
Agent Gastronomical

807
00:33:28,241 --> 00:33:29,376
Electronic Robot.

808
00:33:29,409 --> 00:33:30,377
What?

809
00:33:30,410 --> 00:33:31,846
- But that's a little bit of
a mouthful.

810
00:33:31,879 --> 00:33:33,547
So we call it the Murdered
Mid-western

811
00:33:33,580 --> 00:33:35,515
Homosexual Teenager
for short.

812
00:33:35,549 --> 00:33:37,785
- That's really weird
and offensive.

813
00:33:37,819 --> 00:33:38,987
I think that happened.

814
00:33:39,020 --> 00:33:41,723
- This is a one of a kind
prototype, but in a few years

815
00:33:41,756 --> 00:33:44,659
Lord willing, every town
from Chicago to New Orleans

816
00:33:44,692 --> 00:33:46,661
will have it's own
Murdered Mid-Western

817
00:33:46,694 --> 00:33:48,161
Homosexual Teenager.

818
00:33:48,195 --> 00:33:49,296
Gotta fix that acronym.

819
00:33:49,329 --> 00:33:51,899
Yeah some of those
words seemed unnecessary.

820
00:33:51,933 --> 00:33:53,034
You said
"robotic" twice.

821
00:33:53,067 --> 00:33:55,569
Hey I didn't name it.
Take it up with the good

822
00:33:55,603 --> 00:33:57,839
people at The Holocaust
Was Greatly Exaggerated.

823
00:33:57,872 --> 00:33:58,906
I'm sorry what?

824
00:33:58,940 --> 00:34:01,441
It's a company.
It stands for Technological

825
00:34:01,475 --> 00:34:02,810
Human Electronic...
- Okay, okay so

826
00:34:02,844 --> 00:34:04,411
How does this thing work?

827
00:34:04,444 --> 00:34:06,681
- It's basically like a 3D
printer for food.

828
00:34:06,714 --> 00:34:08,650
You just say whatever
you want it to make...

829
00:34:08,683 --> 00:34:09,817
And it...
- Jager.

830
00:34:12,820 --> 00:34:13,955
Rad.

831
00:34:17,524 --> 00:34:21,261
Get a bucket and a
mop for this wet ass pussy.

832
00:34:21,294 --> 00:34:23,631
Ho ho, get it Peggy.

833
00:34:27,969 --> 00:34:30,905
Opa, opa!

834
00:34:33,841 --> 00:34:34,909
Awe yeah! >

835
00:34:44,919 --> 00:34:48,288
Woah. Hey... Wimmy.

836
00:34:48,823 --> 00:34:51,258
- Good morning. This
is a surprise.

837
00:34:51,291 --> 00:34:52,660
- Yeah you're in my bed.

838
00:34:52,694 --> 00:34:56,296
- Oh well are we sure <i>you</i>
didn't get in <i>my</i> bed?

839
00:34:56,329 --> 00:34:58,633
- Yep. This is my bed.

840
00:34:58,666 --> 00:35:01,568
- Oh well, last night was the
first in 18 years

841
00:35:01,601 --> 00:35:02,870
that I didn't share
my bed with my

842
00:35:02,904 --> 00:35:04,438
lovely on the inside wife.

843
00:35:04,471 --> 00:35:06,708
So in my sleep I must have
wandered over here

844
00:35:06,741 --> 00:35:09,576
mistaking your bodily
warmth for hers.

845
00:35:09,610 --> 00:35:11,946
- Okay, well...

846
00:35:11,979 --> 00:35:13,513
I'm going to get up.

847
00:35:13,547 --> 00:35:14,649
- Ten four good buddy.

848
00:35:21,956 --> 00:35:26,593
There were good people
on both sides of the

849
00:35:26,627 --> 00:35:29,496
Charlottesville Fiasco...
They even put spaces.

850
00:35:29,529 --> 00:35:30,732
Fuck this company!

851
00:35:32,700 --> 00:35:34,936
Last night was fun.

852
00:35:34,969 --> 00:35:38,438
- You know what Peggy,
last night <i>was</i> fun.

853
00:35:38,472 --> 00:35:40,842
I think this is a really
great group we got here.

854
00:35:40,875 --> 00:35:43,410
- And it's cool that
we're on Mars.

855
00:35:43,443 --> 00:35:44,946
- And it's cool we're on Mars.

856
00:35:44,979 --> 00:35:47,749
You're right Peggy, huh!
Fucking Mars.

857
00:35:47,782 --> 00:35:49,483
Alright!

858
00:35:51,853 --> 00:35:54,722
- Oh boy, you know what
that alarm means?

859
00:35:54,756 --> 00:35:57,390
It's time for Kyle's surprise!

860
00:35:57,424 --> 00:35:59,894
- Oh ho, what's going on?
What are we talking about?

861
00:35:59,927 --> 00:36:02,997
- Your surprise. Surprise
later from future tennis?

862
00:36:03,030 --> 00:36:06,033
- Oh right hey. Wow,
look at me.

863
00:36:06,067 --> 00:36:07,902
Everything is
coming up Kyle.

864
00:36:07,935 --> 00:36:10,303
- Now I know the Martian
landscape can feel

865
00:36:10,337 --> 00:36:12,907
pretty foreign. But you've
won something that's

866
00:36:12,940 --> 00:36:15,977
going to make this place
feel a lot more like home.

867
00:36:16,010 --> 00:36:18,545
Alright, okay.

868
00:36:18,578 --> 00:36:19,781
Lay it on me. Fun!

869
00:36:19,814 --> 00:36:25,352
- Okay Kyle. Say hello to
your very own...

870
00:36:25,385 --> 00:36:26,687
- Talk to me baby.
What do we got?

871
00:36:31,458 --> 00:36:33,728
- What the fuck?
What the fuck?

872
00:36:34,996 --> 00:36:37,698
- Wait, how is, how, how
is she here now?

873
00:36:37,732 --> 00:36:39,834
- When you won future
tennis I asked if you wanted

874
00:36:39,867 --> 00:36:41,903
surprise now or
surprise later.

875
00:36:41,936 --> 00:36:43,104
You said "surprise later".

876
00:36:43,137 --> 00:36:44,238
- She shouldn't be here.

877
00:36:44,272 --> 00:36:47,041
This is bad. Can we pause?
Can we pause for a second?

878
00:36:47,074 --> 00:36:48,876
Can we make the door
go back up please?

879
00:36:48,910 --> 00:36:51,378
- No Kyle. We have to get
her outta there.

880
00:36:51,411 --> 00:36:52,880
That's a
decompression chamber.

881
00:36:52,914 --> 00:36:54,081
They're very dangerous.

882
00:36:54,115 --> 00:36:56,550
- Oh God. Oh God. Oh God
Fuck me. Fuck Me.

883
00:36:56,583 --> 00:37:00,420
Oh fuck. Ha ha ha
hiii Pumpkin!

884
00:37:00,621 --> 00:37:01,889
Hi Kyle.

885
00:37:03,925 --> 00:37:06,794
Hi, I'm Candace.
Kyle's fiance.

886
00:37:06,828 --> 00:37:08,663
That's funny, Kyle
didn't talk about you at all.

887
00:37:08,696 --> 00:37:10,832
Yeah I did. Yes I'm...
No I'm sure that I did.

888
00:37:10,865 --> 00:37:13,366
So this is... this is crazy.

889
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:15,736
This is all so surprising.
How are you... here?

890
00:37:15,770 --> 00:37:18,405
- Well when you chose
surprise later, I knew we

891
00:37:18,438 --> 00:37:20,473
had to think of something
really good for you.

892
00:37:20,507 --> 00:37:23,010
And as luck would have it,
right then, Candace

893
00:37:23,044 --> 00:37:25,545
showed up on the launchpad
and was going on and on

894
00:37:25,579 --> 00:37:27,148
about how much she
needed to get up here

895
00:37:27,181 --> 00:37:28,049
and get to ya.

896
00:37:28,082 --> 00:37:30,685
When I found out, I said
"What the heck.

897
00:37:30,718 --> 00:37:32,086
send her up in a supply pod."

898
00:37:32,119 --> 00:37:34,521
Nothing is more important
than true love.

899
00:37:34,554 --> 00:37:36,389
- That's so coool.

900
00:37:36,423 --> 00:37:38,960
- What would have happened
if he chose "surprise now"?

901
00:37:38,993 --> 00:37:41,595
- He would have won
400,000 dollars.

902
00:37:41,629 --> 00:37:44,531
- Oh 400,000 dollars.
Yeah.

903
00:37:46,834 --> 00:37:50,137
Candace could we just have
a little side bar to kinda

904
00:37:50,171 --> 00:37:53,440
clear the air. 'Cause you
know I'm sensing a little...

905
00:37:53,473 --> 00:37:54,876
hostility between us.

906
00:37:54,909 --> 00:37:57,678
- I'm not hostile Kyle.
Are you hostile?

907
00:37:57,712 --> 00:38:00,982
- No, no, no I just, I feel
like you're in...

908
00:38:01,015 --> 00:38:02,817
I mean I don't want to
tell you how you feel but

909
00:38:02,850 --> 00:38:06,754
I imagine, that you would
have the right...

910
00:38:06,787 --> 00:38:08,856
to be...

911
00:38:08,890 --> 00:38:10,658
frustrated with me.

912
00:38:10,691 --> 00:38:12,093
- I'm perfectly calm Kyle.

913
00:38:12,126 --> 00:38:13,995
- Yeah but um...

914
00:38:14,729 --> 00:38:15,830
You seem mad.

915
00:38:15,863 --> 00:38:17,865
- I'm not mad. Are you mad?

916
00:38:17,899 --> 00:38:20,500
- No, no, no I, I'm not
mad at all.

917
00:38:20,533 --> 00:38:22,069
- Okay then we're not mad.

918
00:38:22,103 --> 00:38:22,937
Let's just drop it.

919
00:38:22,970 --> 00:38:25,873
- Okay yeah, yeah fine.

920
00:38:25,907 --> 00:38:27,540
I mean it just, it seems
kinda weird...

921
00:38:28,276 --> 00:38:30,077
- You motherfucker.
- Help!

922
00:38:30,111 --> 00:38:31,078
She's gonna kill me!

923
00:38:31,112 --> 00:38:33,180
- You dickless piece of shit.

924
00:38:35,349 --> 00:38:37,450
Okay everyone. Seems
like the perfect time

925
00:38:37,484 --> 00:38:39,120
for a little safety meeting.

926
00:38:39,153 --> 00:38:42,522
We've had some rather
unsafe behavior lately.

927
00:38:42,555 --> 00:38:44,191
I'm not gonna name names.

928
00:38:44,859 --> 00:38:46,961
But I just want to
really quickly go over

929
00:38:46,994 --> 00:38:48,495
some of the basics.

930
00:38:48,528 --> 00:38:50,798
First thing's first: This is
the airlock.

931
00:38:50,831 --> 00:38:53,466
Earlier today Kyle was
suggesting that we leave

932
00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:55,002
someone in the airlock.

933
00:38:55,036 --> 00:38:57,672
Now this is unsafe for a
myriad of reasons. >

934
00:38:57,705 --> 00:38:59,907
If you're in this thing
without a space suit

935
00:38:59,941 --> 00:39:02,509
when the exterior door
opens, the changing pressures

936
00:39:02,542 --> 00:39:03,844
could be fatal.

937
00:39:03,878 --> 00:39:06,013
Now, if you do have your
space suit on and

938
00:39:06,047 --> 00:39:08,182
you're going to take a walk
on the Martian surface,

939
00:39:08,215 --> 00:39:10,785
You would stand on this
circle and give the voice

940
00:39:10,818 --> 00:39:14,188
command, Airlock C-L-O-S-E.

941
00:39:14,221 --> 00:39:15,957
- Ah, Airlock Close!

942
00:39:18,626 --> 00:39:21,796
Thank you Peggy. Yes that
is what I was spelling.

943
00:39:21,829 --> 00:39:23,030
Exterior door

944
00:39:23,064 --> 00:39:25,498
opening in 30 seconds.

945
00:39:25,532 --> 00:39:28,202
- Okay, luckily we have a
safeguard built in.

946
00:39:28,235 --> 00:39:30,972
If you happen to be stuck
inside the airlock

947
00:39:31,005 --> 00:39:33,874
without your space suit.
Just give the voice command:

948
00:39:33,908 --> 00:39:37,044
Abort airlock proceed...
-Well then do it!

949
00:39:37,078 --> 00:39:39,246
- I am doing it. I was
trying to.

950
00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:41,682
Abort airlock...
- You gotta hurry Elron!

951
00:39:41,716 --> 00:39:43,918
I'm sorry
I didn't quite get that.

952
00:39:43,951 --> 00:39:46,654
Evacuating airlock in 20
seconds...

953
00:39:46,687 --> 00:39:48,622
- Guys you cannot say the
command while people

954
00:39:48,656 --> 00:39:49,924
are talking. You all have to
be quiet...

955
00:39:49,957 --> 00:39:51,993
- Okay Kyle? I'm gonna
take it from here okay?

956
00:39:52,026 --> 00:39:54,028
Ab...
- Yeah just be quiet Kyle.

957
00:39:54,061 --> 00:39:55,896
I'm sorry
I didn't quite get that.

958
00:39:55,930 --> 00:39:57,064
- Candace now you did it!

959
00:39:57,098 --> 00:39:59,300
- I'm sorry, I was telling
Kyle to be quiet for you.

960
00:39:59,333 --> 00:40:00,401
- I wasn't going to
say anything.

961
00:40:00,434 --> 00:40:02,136
- You just did it right there...
- Evacuating

962
00:40:02,169 --> 00:40:04,071
airlock in ten seconds...
- Everyone...

963
00:40:04,105 --> 00:40:05,773
- Everyone shut up!
- Everyone shut up!

964
00:40:05,806 --> 00:40:07,041
- Shut up Kyle.
- You shut up!

965
00:40:07,074 --> 00:40:08,575
- Shut up!
- You Kyle shut...

966
00:40:08,609 --> 00:40:09,542
Wimmy shut up!

967
00:40:09,576 --> 00:40:10,978
- Stop!
- You just talked Can...

968
00:40:11,012 --> 00:40:12,079
- Wimmy!
- Sorry Elron.

969
00:40:14,815 --> 00:40:16,851
Shut up!

970
00:40:18,052 --> 00:40:19,552
Abort airlock pro...

971
00:40:24,191 --> 00:40:25,159
What the fuck!

972
00:40:25,192 --> 00:40:27,128
Oh my gosh,
oh my gosh, oh my gosh...

973
00:40:27,161 --> 00:40:28,262
Did that
just happen?

974
00:40:28,295 --> 00:40:31,032
Okay you guys are
actually louder than my music.

975
00:40:31,065 --> 00:40:32,900
- Did you not see that?

976
00:40:32,933 --> 00:40:34,301
- What are you talking about?

977
00:40:34,335 --> 00:40:35,803
- Elron is dead!

978
00:40:35,836 --> 00:40:36,904
- Who?

979
00:40:36,937 --> 00:40:38,606
- Elron!

980
00:40:38,639 --> 00:40:40,975
The, the billionaire guy
that brought us here.

981
00:40:41,008 --> 00:40:42,843
Th... Elron the main guy!
Elron!

982
00:40:42,877 --> 00:40:44,678
- Oh right. He died?

983
00:40:44,712 --> 00:40:45,846
- His head exploded!

984
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:47,148
- Fuck off!

985
00:40:49,750 --> 00:40:51,619
Holy shit!

986
00:40:51,652 --> 00:40:53,854
Now that is fucking cool.

987
00:40:53,888 --> 00:40:56,357
- No it's not fucking cool.
Elron Branson was the only

988
00:40:56,390 --> 00:40:57,992
one that knew how to
operate the ship!

989
00:40:58,025 --> 00:41:01,929
Holy Holy Holy.
Our God Almighty.

990
00:41:01,962 --> 00:41:03,931
- Fat man. Be quiet
Not now.

991
00:41:03,964 --> 00:41:05,766
Okay, okay, okay.

992
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:07,935
We just, we need to keep
our heads together.

993
00:41:07,968 --> 00:41:09,303
- Poor choice of words dude.

994
00:41:09,336 --> 00:41:09,870
- What?

995
00:41:09,904 --> 00:41:11,839
- Poor choice of words

996
00:41:11,872 --> 00:41:12,907
- What?

997
00:41:12,940 --> 00:41:14,675
- You said "let's keep our
heads together".

998
00:41:14,708 --> 00:41:15,743
His head exploded.

999
00:41:15,776 --> 00:41:17,011
The things you say are
inappropriate. You don't

1000
00:41:17,044 --> 00:41:18,979
realize it. You're dumb.

1001
00:41:19,013 --> 00:41:21,916
Holy shit, he
won't stop singing.

1002
00:41:21,949 --> 00:41:24,218
- Oh I'm sorry, I'm just the
only one trying to

1003
00:41:24,251 --> 00:41:25,619
get us out of this mess.

1004
00:41:25,653 --> 00:41:26,687
- How?
- Uhh...

1005
00:41:26,720 --> 00:41:29,690
By sending a little S.O.S.
to the big man upstairs.

1006
00:41:29,723 --> 00:41:32,326
- But Wimmy, God's not real.

1007
00:41:32,359 --> 00:41:34,929
Peggy...

1008
00:41:34,962 --> 00:41:37,298
Isn't it enough that you
killed our captain?

1009
00:41:37,331 --> 00:41:39,767
Do you have to blasphemy
God while you're at it?

1010
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:40,868
- I didn't kill him.

1011
00:41:40,901 --> 00:41:42,670
- You're the one who said
"airlock close".

1012
00:41:42,703 --> 00:41:44,271
Airlock closed.

1013
00:41:44,305 --> 00:41:46,807
- Hey come on Wimmy.
Leave Peggy alone.

1014
00:41:46,841 --> 00:41:49,176
She can't help it. She's...
you know...

1015
00:41:49,210 --> 00:41:50,778
- What are you saying Kyle?

1016
00:41:50,811 --> 00:41:55,182
- I mean Peggy is obviously...
You know... Um...

1017
00:41:55,216 --> 00:41:56,984
Peggy I don't want to
offend you but... I mean

1018
00:41:57,017 --> 00:41:59,687
you're obviously... like...

1019
00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:02,256
You have a... a
mental... thing...

1020
00:42:02,289 --> 00:42:02,990
Right? Are you...

1021
00:42:03,023 --> 00:42:04,658
Are you mentally
handicapped?

1022
00:42:05,793 --> 00:42:07,895
- I'm sorry. No, tha...
that came out wrong, look.

1023
00:42:07,928 --> 00:42:10,664
It's not going to solve
anything for us to be blaming

1024
00:42:10,698 --> 00:42:13,300
eachother. Now I'm sure
each one of us in this room

1025
00:42:13,334 --> 00:42:16,737
has made mistakes. And
right now the best thing is

1026
00:42:16,770 --> 00:42:21,008
for everyone here to just
forgive, everyone here

1027
00:42:21,041 --> 00:42:23,911
so that we can all work
together moving forward.

1028
00:42:23,944 --> 00:42:25,446
So we can all work together

1029
00:42:25,479 --> 00:42:27,181
moving forwards.

1030
00:42:27,214 --> 00:42:29,250
- Todd, what is with
the attitude?

1031
00:42:29,283 --> 00:42:30,151
- I don't have an attitude.

1032
00:42:30,184 --> 00:42:31,218
- Well I'm not your fucking
dad man.

1033
00:42:31,252 --> 00:42:34,221
- I know you're not my dad.
My dad is awesome.

1034
00:42:35,389 --> 00:42:37,291
Is Elron okay?

1035
00:42:43,230 --> 00:42:45,366
Okay we have to get
in touch with Mission Control,

1036
00:42:45,399 --> 00:42:47,835
tell them what happened,
and get them to pick us up,

1037
00:42:47,868 --> 00:42:48,536
and take us home.

1038
00:42:48,569 --> 00:42:49,970
I know! Hit this onec!

1039
00:42:51,038 --> 00:42:52,473
Peggy don't... touch.

1040
00:42:52,506 --> 00:42:54,842
This is dangerous.
Okay, from now on,

1041
00:42:54,875 --> 00:42:56,410
no one touches anything.

1042
00:42:57,378 --> 00:42:59,480
- Todd!
- Telecom. It's short

1043
00:42:59,513 --> 00:43:01,048
for telecommunications.

1044
00:43:02,383 --> 00:43:04,451
- Mission Control, can you
hear us?

1045
00:43:05,553 --> 00:43:09,056
- There they are!
- You bastards, you bastards!

1046
00:43:09,089 --> 00:43:11,892
- Did you come...
to kill us now too?

1047
00:43:11,926 --> 00:43:14,395
Guys, guys, we are so

1048
00:43:14,428 --> 00:43:17,498
sorry about Elron. It was
an accident.

1049
00:43:17,531 --> 00:43:20,401
- We saw everything,
there's cameras.

1050
00:43:20,434 --> 00:43:22,937
- Ah, what, what, what do
we do?

1051
00:43:22,970 --> 00:43:24,371
How do we get back home?
What happens?

1052
00:43:24,405 --> 00:43:28,409
- Okay, well, we should
be able to just...

1053
00:43:28,442 --> 00:43:31,111
have the ship automatically
bring you home. Just...

1054
00:43:31,145 --> 00:43:33,414
don't touch that
big red button.

1055
00:43:33,447 --> 00:43:35,282
Um...

1056
00:43:35,316 --> 00:43:37,017
Peggy already did.

1057
00:43:37,051 --> 00:43:38,385
- What?

1058
00:43:38,419 --> 00:43:40,254
You didn't hear a grinding
sound did you?

1059
00:43:40,287 --> 00:43:42,056
- Ya.
- Well great.

1060
00:43:42,089 --> 00:43:45,059
That just disengaged all
the return boosters.

1061
00:43:45,092 --> 00:43:47,861
- Oh thank you Peggy.
- Did I fix it?

1062
00:43:47,895 --> 00:43:49,196
Now what?
Are we screwed?

1063
00:43:49,230 --> 00:43:51,298
Is there another
way to get back?

1064
00:43:51,332 --> 00:43:55,069
- 'course there is. In the
sciences, we always

1065
00:43:55,102 --> 00:43:56,804
prepare for a plan B.

1066
00:43:57,838 --> 00:44:01,008
- Yeah if we start constructing
another ship now...

1067
00:44:01,041 --> 00:44:03,944
we can get to you guys
in about... five years.

1068
00:44:03,978 --> 00:44:07,047
- Five years? Did you say
five years?

1069
00:44:07,081 --> 00:44:09,416
We're all gonna be stuck up
here for five years? Five?

1070
00:44:09,450 --> 00:44:10,484
Five whole years?

1071
00:44:10,517 --> 00:44:12,086
- Well maybe you should
have thought about that >

1072
00:44:12,119 --> 00:44:14,421
before you killed Elron
Branson.

1073
00:44:14,455 --> 00:44:18,525
He was a candle in the wind.
- And a rocket man!

1074
00:44:19,827 --> 00:44:21,528
That dude?
He was a nerd.

1075
00:44:21,562 --> 00:44:23,998
Nerd? Nerd?

1076
00:44:24,031 --> 00:44:26,967
- You know what. That's the
problem with cools.

1077
00:44:27,001 --> 00:44:29,470
You guys just think you
could say whatever you want

1078
00:44:29,503 --> 00:44:30,437
to anybody.

1079
00:44:30,471 --> 00:44:33,574
- Well if you wanted a world
without nerds...

1080
00:44:33,608 --> 00:44:37,311
Then merry Christmas and
happy birthday...

1081
00:44:37,344 --> 00:44:39,513
You're on one.
- Nerds out!

1082
00:44:39,546 --> 00:44:44,084
No, no, no, nerds
nerds, nerds. No. Nooo!

1083
00:44:53,394 --> 00:44:54,595
- I cannot get enough of
things like that.

1084
00:44:54,629 --> 00:44:57,197
Look at that. Now let's see
if we can go frame by frame.

1085
00:44:57,231 --> 00:44:59,166
Toby can go
frame by frame here?

1086
00:44:59,199 --> 00:45:00,834
Someone get Toby out of
the chair and let's

1087
00:45:00,868 --> 00:45:02,903
go frame by frame. Okay
here we go.

1088
00:45:02,936 --> 00:45:05,572
Now he's like "Oh, oh, I'm
in trouble, I'm in trouble".

1089
00:45:05,607 --> 00:45:07,975
Oh, boom! Huh, rewind.

1090
00:45:08,008 --> 00:45:10,544
See, see, he's still alive
there. Still alive there.

1091
00:45:10,577 --> 00:45:13,213
There, still alive.
He's feeling it right there.

1092
00:45:13,247 --> 00:45:15,416
And, and... that's where
I think he died.

1093
00:45:15,449 --> 00:45:17,284
What about you?
- I honestly have a hard time

1094
00:45:17,318 --> 00:45:19,320
watching this stuff.
- Ho ho not me.

1095
00:45:19,353 --> 00:45:21,588
I have a whole folder of this
sort of stuff on my desktop

1096
00:45:21,623 --> 00:45:24,058
at home. It's marked "taxes"
so my wife doesn't

1097
00:45:24,091 --> 00:45:25,159
snoop around in it.

1098
00:45:25,192 --> 00:45:27,261
- Getting back to the crisis
at hand. Millions and

1099
00:45:27,294 --> 00:45:29,530
millions of viewers around
the globe are mourning

1100
00:45:29,563 --> 00:45:32,566
the loss of billionaire
philanthropist Elron Branson

1101
00:45:32,599 --> 00:45:34,435
and watching the
develpments with

1102
00:45:34,468 --> 00:45:35,436
baited breath.

1103
00:45:35,469 --> 00:45:37,338
- So much so that Mars
Enterprises has set up

1104
00:45:37,371 --> 00:45:40,441
a 24 hour feed so concerned
citizens can monitor the

1105
00:45:40,474 --> 00:45:42,610
events in the space station
around the clock.

1106
00:45:42,644 --> 00:45:45,579
And with the sudden and
shockingly metal death

1107
00:45:45,613 --> 00:45:47,981
of the only person who knew
how to operate the ship

1108
00:45:48,015 --> 00:45:49,383
how do you think the
crew is holding up?

1109
00:45:49,416 --> 00:45:52,654
- I tell ya, it must be
incredibly, incredibly

1110
00:45:52,687 --> 00:45:55,289
tense up there. Let's take
a look at the feed.

1111
00:45:55,322 --> 00:45:57,191
- Where should we start?
- Hey why not the

1112
00:45:57,224 --> 00:45:59,293
womens bathroom?
- I like the way you think.

1113
00:45:59,493 --> 00:46:02,996
Stupid Kyle doesn't realize
what he's giving up.

1114
00:46:03,030 --> 00:46:05,399
But you're going to
remind him.

1115
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:09,136
You're the hottest
bitch on this planet.

1116
00:46:09,604 --> 00:46:10,537
Pizza...

1117
00:46:11,639 --> 00:46:13,107
Roast beef.

1118
00:46:14,208 --> 00:46:15,409
Chocolate.

1119
00:46:16,377 --> 00:46:17,411
Frosted Lucy Charms.

1120
00:46:17,444 --> 00:46:19,413
Reese's Puffs. Cocoa Puffs.

1121
00:46:25,953 --> 00:46:28,322
Hi...

1122
00:46:28,355 --> 00:46:31,024
So... Todd huh?

1123
00:46:31,058 --> 00:46:33,293
That's an interesting name.

1124
00:46:33,327 --> 00:46:34,696
I'm not gonna stick
my dick in crazy.

1125
00:46:34,729 --> 00:46:35,797
- What?

1126
00:46:35,830 --> 00:46:36,964
- You just told your boyfriend
you're on a break.

1127
00:46:36,997 --> 00:46:40,267
You're hurt, you're angry,
you wana fuck somebody.

1128
00:46:40,300 --> 00:46:41,168
You're being crazy.

1129
00:46:41,201 --> 00:46:44,338
- Oh my god. I wouldn't
even think...

1130
00:46:44,371 --> 00:46:45,607
- Okay sweet.

1131
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:48,275
That is not why I came
over here.

1132
00:46:48,308 --> 00:46:49,943
- Oh okay, my mistake.

1133
00:46:49,977 --> 00:46:53,681
- And for your information,
crazy girls are the best

1134
00:46:53,715 --> 00:46:55,416
in bed.
- That's not true.

1135
00:46:55,449 --> 00:46:56,984
That's just something
crazy girls say.

1136
00:46:57,017 --> 00:46:57,584
- Uh!

1137
00:47:03,257 --> 00:47:04,992
Hey Peggy.

1138
00:47:05,025 --> 00:47:06,293
- They never said
there was a limit

1139
00:47:06,326 --> 00:47:07,629
on how much food
we can make.

1140
00:47:07,662 --> 00:47:10,297
- God it stinks in here.

1141
00:47:10,330 --> 00:47:13,434
Anyways, just wanted to
stop by and say

1142
00:47:13,467 --> 00:47:15,536
you were looking
pretty hot tonight.

1143
00:47:15,569 --> 00:47:21,275
- Shut up! Literally nobody
has ever said that to me.

1144
00:47:21,308 --> 00:47:22,009
Literally!

1145
00:47:22,042 --> 00:47:24,244
- That's a shame. 'Cause...

1146
00:47:24,278 --> 00:47:26,480
I think you're fucking sexy.

1147
00:47:26,513 --> 00:47:29,249
- Candace you are blowing
my mind right now.

1148
00:47:29,283 --> 00:47:32,553
- What do you say we...
lock this door,

1149
00:47:32,586 --> 00:47:37,625
put on some music, grab
a bottle of Everclear and...

1150
00:47:37,659 --> 00:47:39,460
- Candace I'm gonna stop
you right there...

1151
00:47:39,493 --> 00:47:41,395
I don't stick my fingers
in crazy.

1152
00:47:41,428 --> 00:47:42,296
- What?!

1153
00:47:42,329 --> 00:47:43,997
- It's my one rule!

1154
00:47:44,031 --> 00:47:46,634
Don't get me wrong Candace
you're a very attractive

1155
00:47:46,668 --> 00:47:50,070
woman. And I'd be lying if
I said I wasn't flattered...

1156
00:47:50,103 --> 00:47:52,439
But I know where this
road leads, and it's not

1157
00:47:52,473 --> 00:47:55,743
a place that either of us...
- What the fuck is wrong

1158
00:47:55,777 --> 00:47:57,712
with everyone on
this spaceship?

1159
00:48:04,151 --> 00:48:08,388
Hey there. Wimmy right?

1160
00:48:08,623 --> 00:48:12,125
- Shhh.

1161
00:48:13,327 --> 00:48:15,262
- O-kay.

1162
00:48:17,097 --> 00:48:20,300
- Hi Candace. I was just
talking to my best friend.

1163
00:48:21,235 --> 00:48:22,503
Who's your best friend.

1164
00:48:22,737 --> 00:48:25,640
This is so fucking hard.

1165
00:48:25,673 --> 00:48:28,342
What say you and I...
have a little drink?

1166
00:48:28,375 --> 00:48:30,077
- Let me stop you right there.

1167
00:48:30,110 --> 00:48:31,746
I do not imbibe.

1168
00:48:31,779 --> 00:48:33,715
But I am happy to provide
some non judgemental

1169
00:48:33,748 --> 00:48:35,650
company, while you poison
your brain and jepardize

1170
00:48:35,683 --> 00:48:37,117
your soul with alcohol.

1171
00:48:37,785 --> 00:48:39,119
You're funny.

1172
00:48:39,152 --> 00:48:43,123
Listen Wimmy. You're a
man with needs.

1173
00:48:43,156 --> 00:48:45,392
I'm a woman with needs.

1174
00:48:45,425 --> 00:48:47,227
What do you say
we help eachother out?

1175
00:48:47,261 --> 00:48:49,563
- What? No. No, no, no, no
no, no, no, no.

1176
00:48:49,596 --> 00:48:52,466
I am taken. Here's the
Tilliams clan right here.

1177
00:48:54,234 --> 00:48:55,168
What!?

1178
00:49:02,142 --> 00:49:05,445
Candace! We just adultried.
I adultried.

1179
00:49:05,479 --> 00:49:07,314
I just betrayed my
wife and children.

1180
00:49:11,351 --> 00:49:14,388
I'm sorry. I just don't know
what's going on with me.

1181
00:49:14,421 --> 00:49:17,424
This whole thing with me
and Kyle has me...

1182
00:49:17,457 --> 00:49:19,426
feel like I'm losing
my mind!

1183
00:49:20,327 --> 00:49:22,730
I'm not usually like
this I swear.

1184
00:49:22,764 --> 00:49:25,232
- Okay, well...

1185
00:49:25,265 --> 00:49:27,601
The Lord has everything
happen for a reason.

1186
00:49:27,635 --> 00:49:29,604
So ah, maybe he can...

1187
00:49:29,637 --> 00:49:31,706
use this as a
teachable moment.

1188
00:49:31,739 --> 00:49:34,575
Okay, John 3:16 says:

1189
00:49:34,609 --> 00:49:36,310
For God so loved the Earth
that he gave

1190
00:49:36,343 --> 00:49:37,712
his only begotten son.

1191
00:49:37,745 --> 00:49:41,214
- Yeah but, Wimmy,
we're not on Earth.

1192
00:49:41,248 --> 00:49:42,817
- Well it says Earth...

1193
00:49:42,850 --> 00:49:44,351
but it means the whole
solar system.

1194
00:49:44,384 --> 00:49:46,253
- Well why would he say
Earth if he meant

1195
00:49:46,286 --> 00:49:47,487
solar system?

1196
00:49:47,521 --> 00:49:49,791
Candace.

1197
00:49:49,824 --> 00:49:52,492
Well, way back when this
was written, God probably

1198
00:49:52,526 --> 00:49:54,595
had no idea that in the
future Man would make it

1199
00:49:54,629 --> 00:49:55,730
to other planets.

1200
00:49:56,163 --> 00:49:58,332
Well, well, I mean he knew...

1201
00:49:58,365 --> 00:49:59,867
He just had, he had to
know, he just probably

1202
00:49:59,901 --> 00:50:02,202
didn't... I mean...

1203
00:50:02,235 --> 00:50:03,671
Hold on.

1204
00:50:04,304 --> 00:50:06,440
Hey, hey I
mean I get it guys.

1205
00:50:06,473 --> 00:50:08,710
In high school I wasn't
the most popular guy either.

1206
00:50:08,743 --> 00:50:11,813
I didn't even kiss a girl
until I was eighteen.

1207
00:50:11,846 --> 00:50:15,315
Eighteen? Eighteen?

1208
00:50:15,349 --> 00:50:17,317
- That's not nerdy.
That's cool.

1209
00:50:17,351 --> 00:50:19,519
- No I didn't mean eighteen.
It wasn't eighteen. Ah...

1210
00:50:19,553 --> 00:50:21,856
I don't... I don't know why
I said that. It was way later.

1211
00:50:21,889 --> 00:50:23,357
It was like, like twenty.

1212
00:50:23,390 --> 00:50:24,291
- Twenty!?

1213
00:50:24,324 --> 00:50:26,661
...nine. Twenty nine.
I was twenty nine.

1214
00:50:26,694 --> 00:50:30,832
- Oh, okay. That's pretty
lame I guess.

1215
00:50:30,865 --> 00:50:33,801
I mean, I kissed a girl
when I was twenty eight.

1216
00:50:33,835 --> 00:50:35,837
- I didn't but I could have.

1217
00:50:35,870 --> 00:50:38,840
- Wait a minute, wait a
minute. You kissed a girl...

1218
00:50:38,873 --> 00:50:41,341
at twenty eight. Are you
sure I'm not talking to

1219
00:50:41,375 --> 00:50:42,944
a couple of
cools right now?

1220
00:50:44,544 --> 00:50:47,347
Yeah right. Get outta here.

1221
00:50:47,381 --> 00:50:48,582
You don't really think that.

1222
00:50:48,616 --> 00:50:51,351
- Oh I don't know. I'm getting
some really cool vibes

1223
00:50:51,385 --> 00:50:52,787
coming through this
monitor right now.

1224
00:50:52,820 --> 00:50:53,788
- Shut up.

1225
00:50:53,821 --> 00:50:56,256
- You know what would
be really cool though?

1226
00:50:56,289 --> 00:50:58,525
If you guys can help me
figure out how to fly

1227
00:50:58,558 --> 00:50:59,661
this thing back home.

1228
00:50:59,694 --> 00:51:01,829
Well.

1229
00:51:01,863 --> 00:51:04,666
I guess us cools
need to stick together.

1230
00:51:04,699 --> 00:51:06,566
- Ha ha ha, that's right!

1231
00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:09,904
- Okay, well, it's not
gonna be easy...

1232
00:51:09,937 --> 00:51:13,340
But I think if we
all keep our cool...

1233
00:51:13,373 --> 00:51:15,743
We'll be able to
walk you through it.

1234
00:51:15,777 --> 00:51:17,879
First thing you'll
need to do is refill

1235
00:51:17,912 --> 00:51:19,714
the spaceship's
fuel reserve tanks.

1236
00:51:19,747 --> 00:51:23,450
- Kyle, I'm so sorry.
Can we talk?

1237
00:51:23,483 --> 00:51:25,485
- Just, just, just a minute
Candace. The mission

1238
00:51:25,519 --> 00:51:26,888
control guys are helping
us get home.

1239
00:51:26,921 --> 00:51:30,357
- Alright, now to do this you
need to divert the fuel

1240
00:51:30,390 --> 00:51:33,293
from the stations resting
generators to the ships

1241
00:51:33,326 --> 00:51:34,361
return tank.
- Okay.

1242
00:51:34,394 --> 00:51:35,963
Resting generators got it.

1243
00:51:36,229 --> 00:51:38,833
- I cheated on
you with Wimmy.

1244
00:51:39,232 --> 00:51:41,334
- With Wimmy? What? Why?

1245
00:51:41,368 --> 00:51:43,403
Weird. Okay... Okay, alright.

1246
00:51:43,437 --> 00:51:46,774
Look, Candace, that is
really shitty and we will

1247
00:51:46,808 --> 00:51:49,644
have to talk about that but
I, I gotta do this right now.

1248
00:51:49,677 --> 00:51:51,545
- This is what I'm
talking about.

1249
00:51:51,578 --> 00:51:53,881
I traveled all the way
through space to get to

1250
00:51:53,915 --> 00:51:57,919
Mars to talk to you and all
you do is ignore me.

1251
00:51:57,952 --> 00:52:00,454
- Guys is this resting
generator thing an outside

1252
00:52:00,487 --> 00:52:03,356
kinda deal or is this
somewhere in the ship here?

1253
00:52:03,390 --> 00:52:05,660
- That is outside the ship.
- Right on the underside

1254
00:52:05,693 --> 00:52:06,728
of the central pod.

1255
00:52:07,195 --> 00:52:08,562
Hi-yeeeee!

1256
00:52:08,595 --> 00:52:09,463
- Candace no!

1257
00:52:12,499 --> 00:52:14,267
Two years of my life Kyle!

1258
00:52:14,301 --> 00:52:16,904
My two best years
wasted with you!

1259
00:52:26,379 --> 00:52:27,615
Oh my god!

1260
00:52:27,648 --> 00:52:30,383
- I could have married
Brian Delaney!

1261
00:52:36,389 --> 00:52:38,525
Candace! You
broke the air thing!

1262
00:52:38,558 --> 00:52:42,295
- Well now we're even
because you broke my heart.

1263
00:52:42,329 --> 00:52:44,999
- No, no, no, you broke
the fucking air thing.

1264
00:52:45,565 --> 00:52:47,434
The meek shall
inherit the Earth...

1265
00:52:50,037 --> 00:52:52,572
The Earth is filled with the
steadfast love of the Lord.

1266
00:52:54,675 --> 00:52:56,911
The Earth is the Lords
and the fullness thereof.

1267
00:53:04,852 --> 00:53:07,021
The thing! She
fucking broke the thing.

1268
00:53:07,054 --> 00:53:08,790
We're gonna die!

1269
00:53:08,823 --> 00:53:12,059
Do you want to
play future tennis with me?

1270
00:53:12,093 --> 00:53:15,797
- Todd, I don't know how to
fix the container and I

1271
00:53:15,830 --> 00:53:18,633
saw her do it. She threw
the thing and then it made

1272
00:53:18,666 --> 00:53:20,668
the, the thing, punch
right through it!

1273
00:53:20,701 --> 00:53:22,670
We're gonna die!
We're all gonna die!

1274
00:53:22,703 --> 00:53:23,704
- What are you
talking about?

1275
00:53:23,738 --> 00:53:24,872
- We're gonna die man!

1276
00:53:24,906 --> 00:53:26,540
- And why do you
think we're dying?

1277
00:53:26,573 --> 00:53:29,710
- Because I saw the fucking
air, our air is sucked...

1278
00:53:29,744 --> 00:53:30,945
out into outer space!

1279
00:53:30,978 --> 00:53:32,747
- Okay and how
did that happen?

1280
00:53:32,780 --> 00:53:34,514
- Because this...bitch!

1281
00:53:34,548 --> 00:53:35,850
- Heeeeey.
- Woah.

1282
00:53:35,883 --> 00:53:38,986
- No, no, do not
judge me until I have

1283
00:53:39,020 --> 00:53:40,520
finished my sentence.

1284
00:53:40,554 --> 00:53:43,858
Because then, you will
see, that she has...

1285
00:53:43,891 --> 00:53:45,358
murdered you!

1286
00:53:45,392 --> 00:53:47,995
And she has murdered you!

1287
00:53:48,029 --> 00:53:49,797
And she has murdered you!

1288
00:53:49,831 --> 00:53:53,100
And she has also
committed suicide!

1289
00:53:53,134 --> 00:53:55,903
And killed Wimmy.
Where, where's Wimmy?

1290
00:53:57,504 --> 00:53:59,740
There is no God here. We
abandoned him when

1291
00:53:59,774 --> 00:54:00,875
we left the Earth!

1292
00:54:00,908 --> 00:54:02,910
He has no
jurisdiction up here.

1293
00:54:02,944 --> 00:54:06,714
The red planet is the
planet of... the Devil!

1294
00:54:07,215 --> 00:54:10,584
Okay, first of all, I'm going
to apologize to the room.

1295
00:54:10,618 --> 00:54:14,421
Uh... I lost my cool there.
I said some things

1296
00:54:14,454 --> 00:54:16,057
that didn't need
to be said and it's

1297
00:54:16,090 --> 00:54:18,458
important for a leader to
be calm and collected.

1298
00:54:18,491 --> 00:54:19,660
What?

1299
00:54:19,694 --> 00:54:20,628
- What?

1300
00:54:20,661 --> 00:54:22,029
- Dude you are amazing.

1301
00:54:22,063 --> 00:54:23,831
Hey can you say
that part about you

1302
00:54:23,865 --> 00:54:24,899
being the leader again?

1303
00:54:24,932 --> 00:54:27,434
- Kyle, do you want to
play future tennis with me?

1304
00:54:27,467 --> 00:54:29,036
- Kyle hates future tennis.

1305
00:54:29,070 --> 00:54:30,938
He thinks it's a game that
makes the person you

1306
00:54:30,972 --> 00:54:32,773
claimed to have loved for
two years, come and see

1307
00:54:32,807 --> 00:54:34,675
you after you've tried
to run away from them.

1308
00:54:34,709 --> 00:54:36,611
- Okay Candace? Can we
try and stay focused?

1309
00:54:36,644 --> 00:54:37,612
Please?

1310
00:54:37,645 --> 00:54:39,180
Life threatening situation
here. Ring a bell?

1311
00:54:39,213 --> 00:54:40,915
You threw a fit,
now we're fucked.

1312
00:54:40,948 --> 00:54:41,749
- We're fucked?

1313
00:54:41,782 --> 00:54:42,817
- Yes, we're fucked!

1314
00:54:42,850 --> 00:54:45,186
- We're not fucked. We
still have a perfectly

1315
00:54:45,219 --> 00:54:47,188
good spaceship sitting
right over there that

1316
00:54:47,221 --> 00:54:48,388
can take us home.

1317
00:54:48,421 --> 00:54:50,091
- No, the nerds said that
there's all this complicated

1318
00:54:50,124 --> 00:54:51,158
stuff we have to do.

1319
00:54:51,192 --> 00:54:52,760
- Let, let me guess
what they said.

1320
00:54:52,793 --> 00:54:55,129
We have to refuel?
Fill up the gas tank?

1321
00:54:55,162 --> 00:54:57,832
- They, well they said
"fuel reserve".

1322
00:54:57,865 --> 00:54:59,867
- Ah huh. I'm guessing
they're plan involves

1323
00:54:59,901 --> 00:55:01,636
something like diverting
the fuel from the stations

1324
00:55:01,669 --> 00:55:03,570
generators into the ships
reserve. Probably some

1325
00:55:03,604 --> 00:55:05,172
sort of exterior switch
and a transfer hose we

1326
00:55:05,206 --> 00:55:06,473
need to connect?

1327
00:55:06,974 --> 00:55:08,075
- Wait a minute...

1328
00:55:08,109 --> 00:55:11,712
Okay, I don't want to offend
you right now. But...

1329
00:55:11,746 --> 00:55:12,613
Are you smart?

1330
00:55:12,647 --> 00:55:14,447
Uh, I don't want to offend

1331
00:55:14,481 --> 00:55:16,784
you but are you smart?

1332
00:55:16,817 --> 00:55:18,753
- Todd can I get a
sidebar really quick?

1333
00:55:20,888 --> 00:55:23,858
Candace and Wimmy are
very crazy and Peggy...

1334
00:55:23,891 --> 00:55:27,128
is also very crazy. You,
you seem in a weird way,

1335
00:55:27,161 --> 00:55:29,529
not to be crazy. Do you
think you can help me

1336
00:55:29,562 --> 00:55:30,665
fix this ship?

1337
00:55:30,698 --> 00:55:33,000
- Ah, I think it will be more
like you helping me fix

1338
00:55:33,034 --> 00:55:35,435
the ship and... also
I don't need that.

1339
00:55:35,703 --> 00:55:37,705
- I find that to be
very encouraging.

1340
00:55:41,876 --> 00:55:43,644
- Hey there lust muffin.

1341
00:55:43,678 --> 00:55:45,012
- What the fuck
did you just say?

1342
00:55:45,046 --> 00:55:46,981
- Guess what?
- What?

1343
00:55:47,014 --> 00:55:49,684
- Turns out you were right
about Satan ruling Mars.

1344
00:55:49,717 --> 00:55:50,952
I didn't say
anything about...

1345
00:55:50,985 --> 00:55:52,552
- I should have
seen it earlier.

1346
00:55:52,585 --> 00:55:56,223
It was right in front
of my... damn face.

1347
00:55:56,257 --> 00:55:58,092
Pardon my French.
I swear now.

1348
00:55:58,125 --> 00:55:59,093
- What are you
talking about?

1349
00:55:59,126 --> 00:56:02,096
- I was just in my room
indulging my own flesh.

1350
00:56:02,129 --> 00:56:05,166
Treatin' my body like
a damn playground.

1351
00:56:05,933 --> 00:56:07,101
- What is that?

1352
00:56:07,134 --> 00:56:10,004
- Playing with my private
parts... outside of marriage.

1353
00:56:10,037 --> 00:56:12,907
And I don't give a...
sh... sh... damn!

1354
00:56:13,240 --> 00:56:15,810
And guess what?
I loved it.

1355
00:56:15,843 --> 00:56:17,577
Now I get what all
the fuss is about.

1356
00:56:17,611 --> 00:56:19,579
- Why are you telling
me all this?

1357
00:56:19,613 --> 00:56:21,816
I'm here to take you
up on your offer.

1358
00:56:21,849 --> 00:56:24,018
I want to do
every damn thing.

1359
00:56:26,553 --> 00:56:28,022
Fuck it.

1360
00:56:30,557 --> 00:56:32,093
These suits are pretty cool.

1361
00:56:34,095 --> 00:56:36,030
We just actually became
the first two people to

1362
00:56:36,063 --> 00:56:38,666
ever set foot on Mars.
Isn't that kinda crazy?

1363
00:56:41,002 --> 00:56:43,904
I mean, it is to me
a little bit, I mean...

1364
00:56:44,504 --> 00:56:45,806
That's a big...
That's a big deal.

1365
00:56:46,374 --> 00:56:47,842
Oh Todd be careful!

1366
00:56:48,609 --> 00:56:50,144
Oh, is that
the hose we need?

1367
00:56:50,177 --> 00:56:51,178
Oh good!

1368
00:56:54,181 --> 00:56:55,983
Hey how do you know
how to do all this stuff?

1369
00:56:56,017 --> 00:56:57,584
You seem really confident.

1370
00:56:58,986 --> 00:57:00,988
I don't know anything
mechanical.

1371
00:57:01,022 --> 00:57:02,656
I was an indoor kid.

1372
00:57:02,690 --> 00:57:04,125
I can't even change a flat.

1373
00:57:07,695 --> 00:57:09,830
Did that fix it?
Is it fixed?

1374
00:57:11,866 --> 00:57:13,566
If you want to talk to me you
have to press this button.

1375
00:57:15,936 --> 00:57:17,605
Yeah I wasn't talking.

1376
00:57:23,344 --> 00:57:24,745
I can't.

1377
00:57:24,779 --> 00:57:25,846
It won't go in.

1378
00:57:25,880 --> 00:57:27,681
It keeps bending.

1379
00:57:27,715 --> 00:57:28,883
Maybe your
butthole is broken.

1380
00:57:28,916 --> 00:57:30,684
- My butthole is not
broken Wimmy.

1381
00:57:30,718 --> 00:57:31,786
You have to be hard.

1382
00:57:31,819 --> 00:57:34,255
- I'm pretty hard. It just
keeps bending though.

1383
00:57:37,091 --> 00:57:39,326
Candace you need to relax
more so I can stuff it in.

1384
00:57:40,127 --> 00:57:41,929
There, I just got it in.

1385
00:57:41,962 --> 00:57:46,599
I'm in. We're
having sodomy. Wow.

1386
00:57:46,634 --> 00:57:48,836
- You're not in.

1387
00:57:48,869 --> 00:57:51,305
- No you're right.
It's out again... Damn.

1388
00:57:51,338 --> 00:57:54,975
- I gotta say Todd...
I am pretty impressed.

1389
00:57:55,009 --> 00:57:57,144
- Oh great, I impressed
Kyle that means a lot.

1390
00:57:57,178 --> 00:57:59,046
When I get home everyone
will be like "Hey Todd

1391
00:57:59,080 --> 00:58:01,282
how was Mars?" I'll be like
"It was okay, but the real

1392
00:58:01,315 --> 00:58:02,817
cool thing, is
while I was up there...

1393
00:58:02,850 --> 00:58:04,285
I impressed some idiot."

1394
00:58:04,318 --> 00:58:06,220
- Dude. What is the deal?

1395
00:58:06,253 --> 00:58:07,021
- What?

1396
00:58:07,054 --> 00:58:09,056
- What is with the
negativity man?

1397
00:58:09,090 --> 00:58:11,659
What is your issue
with me? Seriously?

1398
00:58:11,692 --> 00:58:12,960
- Seriously?
- Yeah.

1399
00:58:13,727 --> 00:58:15,329
- I don't like the
way you treat women.

1400
00:58:15,896 --> 00:58:18,766
- I'm sorry excuse me?
The way I treat women?

1401
00:58:18,799 --> 00:58:21,902
Did I bash her face in with
the lamp? Did I throw a

1402
00:58:21,936 --> 00:58:23,070
monitor at her head?

1403
00:58:23,104 --> 00:58:25,139
- It just didn't sit well with
me the way you were

1404
00:58:25,172 --> 00:58:26,240
throwing around the
B word back there.

1405
00:58:26,273 --> 00:58:29,910
- Wa... uh... She is
so mean to me.

1406
00:58:29,944 --> 00:58:32,012
She's been treating me
like this for two years

1407
00:58:32,046 --> 00:58:33,814
and she's wrecked
the spaceship now

1408
00:58:33,848 --> 00:58:34,815
and she's ruined my life.

1409
00:58:34,849 --> 00:58:36,417
- She ruined your life?
She came all the way up

1410
00:58:36,450 --> 00:58:37,718
to Mars for you.

1411
00:58:37,751 --> 00:58:38,619
- She is crazy.

1412
00:58:38,652 --> 00:58:40,821
- Yeah because you've
made her crazy.

1413
00:58:40,855 --> 00:58:42,790
- Look, you're obviously
not committed to your

1414
00:58:42,823 --> 00:58:44,925
relationship and you've just
been stringing her along

1415
00:58:44,959 --> 00:58:46,961
instead of manning up
and doing the right thing.

1416
00:58:46,994 --> 00:58:48,295
- What? Marry her?

1417
00:58:48,329 --> 00:58:50,698
- No. Break up with her.

1418
00:58:50,731 --> 00:58:53,033
Let her go find someone
who will actually give

1419
00:58:53,067 --> 00:58:54,969
a shit about her.

1420
00:58:55,002 --> 00:58:57,771
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go fix the ship.

1421
00:59:03,644 --> 00:59:06,113
Wimmy Tilliams is my name
and sinning is my new game.

1422
00:59:06,147 --> 00:59:08,282
Committing adultry
fealt that good...

1423
00:59:08,315 --> 00:59:11,952
I can't imagine how it must
feel to sin even harder.

1424
00:59:11,986 --> 00:59:14,355
Che che che, ah ah ah.

1425
00:59:14,388 --> 00:59:16,724
Khe khe khe, ah ah ah.

1426
00:59:16,757 --> 00:59:18,792
Jay Jay Jay, son son son.

1427
00:59:18,826 --> 00:59:21,295
Jay Jason
moo moo movies.

1428
00:59:21,328 --> 00:59:24,298
Hey there handsome...
Devil

1429
00:59:30,271 --> 00:59:31,805
♪ When the going
get's tough ♪♪

1430
00:59:31,839 --> 00:59:33,440
♪ and the road is dark ♪

1431
00:59:33,474 --> 00:59:36,810
♪ and the trouble
never ends ♪♪

1432
00:59:36,844 --> 00:59:38,179
♪ there's always
one thing ♪♪

1433
00:59:38,212 --> 00:59:39,914
♪ that you can count on ♪

1434
00:59:39,947 --> 00:59:42,983
♪ I'm talking about friends ♪♪

1435
00:59:43,017 --> 00:59:45,386
♪ You can always
count on friends to♪♪

1436
00:59:45,419 --> 00:59:49,823
♪ lift you up
when you are down ♪♪

1437
00:59:49,857 --> 00:59:52,760
♪ friends are always
there for you ♪♪

1438
00:59:52,793 --> 00:59:56,497
♪ when no one else
is around ♪♪

1439
00:59:56,530 --> 00:59:57,565
♪ Friends ♪

1440
00:59:57,598 --> 00:59:59,900
♪ That's what I'm
talking 'bout ♪♪

1441
00:59:59,934 --> 01:00:01,068
♪ Friends ♪

1442
01:00:01,101 --> 01:00:02,803
♪ You'd be a mess without ♪♪

1443
01:00:02,836 --> 01:00:05,339
♪ Friends ♪

1444
01:00:09,143 --> 01:00:12,179
♪ Monica, Phoebe, Ross
Joey, Chandler ♪♪

1445
01:00:12,213 --> 01:00:15,049
♪ and Ray hay chel ♪

1446
01:00:15,082 --> 01:00:18,485
♪ They're the gang that
you want to be with ♪♪

1447
01:00:18,519 --> 01:00:22,156
♪ whenever you
are able ♪♪

1448
01:00:22,189 --> 01:00:23,324
♪ Friends ♪

1449
01:00:23,357 --> 01:00:25,392
♪ You'd be a mess without ♪♪

1450
01:00:25,426 --> 01:00:26,760
♪ Friends ♪

1451
01:00:26,794 --> 01:00:28,829
♪ Buy it on Amazon ♪

1452
01:00:28,862 --> 01:00:31,865
♪ Friends ♪

1453
01:00:34,001 --> 01:00:37,471
♪ Do you remember the
slew of A list celebs ♪♪

1454
01:00:37,504 --> 01:00:40,808
♪ that were constantly
dropping by ♪♪

1455
01:00:40,841 --> 01:00:44,044
♪ Like Tom Selleck,
Giovanni Ribisi ♪♪

1456
01:00:44,078 --> 01:00:47,181
♪ Paul Rudd and
George Cloon-i ♪♪

1457
01:00:47,214 --> 01:00:51,151
♪ And last but not
least, we had ♪♪

1458
01:00:51,185 --> 01:00:52,286
♪ Brad Pitt ♪

1459
01:00:52,319 --> 01:00:54,255
♪ Hotter than anyone ♪

1460
01:00:54,288 --> 01:00:55,389
♪ Brad Pitt ♪

1461
01:00:55,422 --> 01:00:59,126
♪ King of celebrities
yeah ♪♪

1462
01:01:03,130 --> 01:01:06,467
♪ From Cool World
to Fight Club ♪♪

1463
01:01:06,500 --> 01:01:09,937
♪ He's never let us down ♪♪

1464
01:01:09,970 --> 01:01:13,173
♪ Last night I dreamt that
they renamed Hollywood ♪♪

1465
01:01:13,207 --> 01:01:16,277
♪ Brad Pitt Town ♪

1466
01:01:16,310 --> 01:01:17,444
♪ Ooooh ♪

1467
01:01:17,478 --> 01:01:19,246
Oh shit I'm singing with
my eyes closed again, fuck.

1468
01:01:19,280 --> 01:01:21,181
I just don't
understand what you

1469
01:01:21,215 --> 01:01:22,149
want from me.

1470
01:01:22,182 --> 01:01:23,917
- Stop trying to make
me the bad guy here.

1471
01:01:23,951 --> 01:01:25,986
- Stop acting like one.

1472
01:01:26,020 --> 01:01:28,289
Ah okay, so sorry about that.

1473
01:01:28,322 --> 01:01:32,326
You missed a couple things.
Basically what happened was

1474
01:01:32,359 --> 01:01:34,962
while Todd finished fixing
the ship, Kyle tried to

1475
01:01:34,995 --> 01:01:37,564
explain to Candace all that
stuff that Todd was telling

1476
01:01:37,598 --> 01:01:40,167
him about how he wasn't
being fair to her. But he

1477
01:01:40,200 --> 01:01:42,369
he still didn't really
have the balls to tell her

1478
01:01:42,403 --> 01:01:45,406
how he honestly fealt, so
she's still confused and

1479
01:01:45,439 --> 01:01:49,076
unhappy, so she got all
pissed. And then he

1480
01:01:49,109 --> 01:01:51,378
got all defensive and it
was a pretty good scene.

1481
01:01:51,412 --> 01:01:53,547
Anyway, sorry, sorry again.
♪ Watch Friends ♪

1482
01:01:53,580 --> 01:01:55,883
I'm tired of all these

1483
01:01:55,916 --> 01:01:57,584
mind games Kyle.

1484
01:01:57,619 --> 01:02:01,088
Either love me,
or let me go.

1485
01:02:01,121 --> 01:02:06,260
- Look, I really do care
about you but, but I...

1486
01:02:06,293 --> 01:02:08,996
- Well by my calculations
we got 10 minutes of air left.

1487
01:02:09,029 --> 01:02:10,431
So let's do this thing.

1488
01:02:12,667 --> 01:02:14,601
Had to do some juri
rigging on the ignition

1489
01:02:14,636 --> 01:02:16,904
system, but this cord should
pull enough juice from the

1490
01:02:16,937 --> 01:02:19,039
main comm board
for us to blast off.

1491
01:02:19,073 --> 01:02:21,508
- Holy shit dude, I am
so glad you're smart.

1492
01:02:21,542 --> 01:02:24,912
- Alright, that's it.
Mars sucked.

1493
01:02:24,945 --> 01:02:26,213
Fuck it, let's go home.

1494
01:02:26,914 --> 01:02:29,950
And if the fat, nerdy bible
guy wants to come

1495
01:02:29,983 --> 01:02:33,220
with us, he better hurry
his ass up wherever he is.

1496
01:02:33,253 --> 01:02:34,388
Dieeeeeee!

1497
01:02:35,489 --> 01:02:37,024
- What the fuck?

1498
01:02:38,092 --> 01:02:39,293
- Ahhh!
- Fuck!

1499
01:02:39,326 --> 01:02:40,194
- Wimmy what the fuck?

1500
01:02:40,227 --> 01:02:44,098
- That was a big sin...
and Wimmy likey.

1501
01:02:44,131 --> 01:02:46,033
Wimmy likey a lot.

1502
01:02:47,167 --> 01:02:47,935
- Oh my God!

1503
01:02:47,968 --> 01:02:49,903
- There is no God
up here Kyle.

1504
01:02:49,937 --> 01:02:52,005
I have abandoned
the way of the Lamb.

1505
01:02:52,039 --> 01:02:55,042
I now worship...
the Goat.

1506
01:02:55,909 --> 01:02:58,245
The dark one demands
more sacrifices.

1507
01:02:58,278 --> 01:02:59,446
More blood for Satan!

1508
01:02:59,480 --> 01:03:00,981
- Guys, get in the ship.
- Satan, Satan, Satan.

1509
01:03:01,014 --> 01:03:04,118
- What?
- Todd let's go.

1510
01:03:04,151 --> 01:03:06,420
Peggy, Candace get
in the ship, we gotta

1511
01:03:06,453 --> 01:03:08,555
- get outta here.
- Heavy metal music

1512
01:03:08,589 --> 01:03:10,357
Nudity, Democrats!

1513
01:03:10,391 --> 01:03:12,493
- Look, look Wimmy. A cross.

1514
01:03:12,526 --> 01:03:15,028
Jesus. Remember how much
you like your buddy Jesus?

1515
01:03:18,399 --> 01:03:20,668
Owwww.

1516
01:03:24,405 --> 01:03:26,306
- We're in, we made it.
We're all here, ha.

1517
01:03:26,340 --> 01:03:27,975
- Well, Todd's dead.

1518
01:03:28,008 --> 01:03:30,144
- Right, yeah, that's uh...
right yeah.

1519
01:03:30,177 --> 01:03:31,545
That, that, that's too bad.

1520
01:03:31,578 --> 01:03:33,013
- And Elron died.

1521
01:03:33,046 --> 01:03:35,215
- Shit right, yeah,
he, he also died.

1522
01:03:35,249 --> 01:03:38,118
- And I'm assuming Wimmy
won't survive when we leave.

1523
01:03:38,152 --> 01:03:39,520
- Well that's...

1524
01:03:39,553 --> 01:03:40,688
Well I mean...
fuck him right?

1525
01:03:40,722 --> 01:03:42,423
Come on let's just
get outta here.

1526
01:03:43,557 --> 01:03:44,558
Suck my dick Mars.

1527
01:03:45,292 --> 01:03:47,261
Ignition in 10...

1528
01:03:47,294 --> 01:03:48,429
9...

1529
01:03:48,462 --> 01:03:49,129
8...

1530
01:03:49,163 --> 01:03:50,698
- Oh good, Wimmy's better.

1531
01:03:50,732 --> 01:03:52,032
- 6...
- What?

1532
01:03:52,065 --> 01:03:53,100
5...

1533
01:03:53,133 --> 01:03:54,101
4...

1534
01:03:54,134 --> 01:03:56,136
3...

1535
01:03:56,170 --> 01:03:57,271
- What's happening?

1536
01:03:57,304 --> 01:03:59,373
- Why aren't we going?
Where's 2? Where's 1?

1537
01:04:00,140 --> 01:04:01,041
- Face me!

1538
01:04:01,074 --> 01:04:02,976
Face your feeeears!

1539
01:04:03,010 --> 01:04:03,977
- Ughhh...

1540
01:04:04,011 --> 01:04:06,748
This fucking guy is
ridiculous

1541
01:04:06,781 --> 01:04:07,548
- Fuck...

1542
01:04:07,581 --> 01:04:08,048
- What?

1543
01:04:08,081 --> 01:04:09,550
- Goodbye, Candice

1544
01:04:09,583 --> 01:04:10,284
- NO!

1545
01:04:10,317 --> 01:04:12,019
You are not doing this
again!

1546
01:04:12,052 --> 01:04:14,021
- Candice, I am not
running away from you

1547
01:04:14,054 --> 01:04:15,322
I-I just...

1548
01:04:16,323 --> 01:04:17,291
I don't love you.

1549
01:04:19,059 --> 01:04:20,695
And, maybe, I just
realized that myself

1550
01:04:20,728 --> 01:04:22,262
But I also know that you

1551
01:04:22,764 --> 01:04:24,498
You deserve someone
that does

1552
01:04:31,773 --> 01:04:33,741
- Ooo! A challenger!

1553
01:04:33,775 --> 01:04:35,275
- Wimmy get away
from the cord

1554
01:04:35,509 --> 01:04:36,276
- In this corner

1555
01:04:36,310 --> 01:04:39,480
fighting for the side of
SAAATAAAAN

1556
01:04:39,714 --> 01:04:42,249
WIIIIIMMMY
TIIIIILLAAAMS

1557
01:04:42,282 --> 01:04:43,217
- Jesus Christ...

1558
01:04:43,250 --> 01:04:45,586
- And fighting for the
side of his precious

1559
01:04:45,620 --> 01:04:47,154
Jesus Christ

1560
01:04:47,187 --> 01:04:48,790
KYYYLLLEEE

1561
01:04:48,823 --> 01:04:49,624
- Wimmy

1562
01:04:49,657 --> 01:04:51,458
I'm going to just
step over there

1563
01:04:51,492 --> 01:04:52,359
And I'm gonna pick
up the cord-

1564
01:04:52,392 --> 01:04:54,261
- MORTAL KOMBAT!!!

1565
01:04:55,162 --> 01:04:55,996
Dut dut dut Subzero

1566
01:04:56,029 --> 01:04:57,665
Dat dat dat Subzero

1567
01:04:57,699 --> 01:04:59,366
Dat dut dat dat dat dut

1568
01:04:59,399 --> 01:05:01,034
Dat dut det dah dat Subzero

1569
01:05:01,068 --> 01:05:01,903
Deh deh duh deh duh deh

1570
01:05:01,936 --> 01:05:02,770
Duh det det den deh deh

1571
01:05:02,804 --> 01:05:04,404
Duh den deh den deh den

1572
01:05:04,438 --> 01:05:06,306
- Fitting isn't it?!

1573
01:05:06,340 --> 01:05:08,275
That it would end up
the two of us!

1574
01:05:08,308 --> 01:05:09,343
Locked in battle-

1575
01:05:10,077 --> 01:05:11,411
AAAUUGGHHHAA

1576
01:05:11,445 --> 01:05:12,747
OOWWWW!!!

1577
01:05:12,780 --> 01:05:13,781
Again?!

1578
01:05:13,815 --> 01:05:14,682
- Unbelieveable...

1579
01:05:17,518 --> 01:05:18,018
- AHA!

1580
01:05:18,218 --> 01:05:19,219
AH!

1581
01:05:19,253 --> 01:05:19,787
KYLE!!

1582
01:05:20,722 --> 01:05:21,623
HE FUCKIN' BIT ME!

1583
01:05:24,558 --> 01:05:25,425
- I'm sorry...

1584
01:05:26,527 --> 01:05:27,027
- AHH!

1585
01:05:41,743 --> 01:05:43,343
- What the fuck??

1586
01:06:04,799 --> 01:06:05,667
- Hello?! Hello?!

1587
01:06:05,700 --> 01:06:06,600
Hey! Kyle! What's up?! What's
up??

1588
01:06:06,634 --> 01:06:07,702
What's going on man?!
What's up?!?

1589
01:06:07,735 --> 01:06:09,603
COOTER!
gaht- Where the hell

1590
01:06:09,637 --> 01:06:10,537
have you been for

1591
01:06:10,571 --> 01:06:11,471
the last two weeks??

1592
01:06:11,505 --> 01:06:12,006
- OH just been really
busy doin' work!

1593
01:06:12,040 --> 01:06:12,807
Lots of work stuff!

1594
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:13,675
Just workin' on a lot
of work!

1595
01:06:13,708 --> 01:06:15,375
Well I've got a huge

1596
01:06:15,409 --> 01:06:16,209
problem, man!

1597
01:06:16,243 --> 01:06:16,276
The wedding is TODAY!

1598
01:06:16,678 --> 01:06:17,144
I know that!

1599
01:06:17,177 --> 01:06:17,946
I know that, man!

1600
01:06:17,979 --> 01:06:18,245
I'm on my way there
right now!

1601
01:06:20,414 --> 01:06:21,348
- TWINKS! TO THE CAR!

1602
01:06:22,684 --> 01:06:23,450
- OKAY TWINKS!

1603
01:06:23,483 --> 01:06:24,786
LISTEN THE FUCK UP!

1604
01:06:24,986 --> 01:06:25,787
Kyle needs us!

1605
01:06:25,820 --> 01:06:27,554
We're gonna do this
the right way!

1606
01:06:27,588 --> 01:06:28,488
When we hit the church

1607
01:06:28,522 --> 01:06:30,557
I want two twinks
stationed at the rear

1608
01:06:30,591 --> 01:06:32,559
I want two twinks
stationed on the roof

1609
01:06:32,593 --> 01:06:35,128
And I want three twinks
on me at all times

1610
01:06:35,162 --> 01:06:37,164
If this thing goes how
I think it's gonna go

1611
01:06:37,197 --> 01:06:38,532
we're gonna need to
dig a hole.

1612
01:06:39,232 --> 01:06:41,301
- TWINKS!!
DIG A HOLE!!!

1613
01:06:41,936 --> 01:06:43,203
- This is bad guys!

1614
01:06:43,236 --> 01:06:44,471
This is really really bad!

1615
01:06:49,476 --> 01:06:51,378
- We need to lay low
until first light,

1616
01:06:51,411 --> 01:06:52,412
Then torch the car.

1617
01:06:52,446 --> 01:06:54,181
We'll boost a new one
and see if we can get to

1618
01:06:54,214 --> 01:06:55,883
the state line before
the dogs find that body

1619
01:06:55,917 --> 01:06:57,250
Aaaaahhh...

1620
01:06:57,284 --> 01:06:58,418
I feel good Twinks.

1621
01:06:58,452 --> 01:06:59,754
I feel really, really good.

1622
01:07:00,287 --> 01:07:01,656
The world is ours!

1623
01:07:02,090 --> 01:07:02,890
One more, in fact...

1624
01:07:03,091 --> 01:07:04,458
- Turn. That. UP!

1625
01:07:04,491 --> 01:07:05,325
We couldn't

1626
01:07:05,359 --> 01:07:06,126
believe it ourselves.

1627
01:07:06,159 --> 01:07:06,961
Just this afternoon,

1628
01:07:06,995 --> 01:07:07,795
a young Candice Simpson

1629
01:07:07,829 --> 01:07:09,697
has left our planet to

1630
01:07:09,731 --> 01:07:11,699
join her fiancé,
Kyle Capshaw on Mars.

1631
01:07:11,733 --> 01:07:13,935
Elron Branson approved
the use of the last

1632
01:07:13,968 --> 01:07:15,202
remaining supply pod

1633
01:07:15,235 --> 01:07:16,536
releasing a statement
saying

1634
01:07:16,570 --> 01:07:18,372
"Nothing is more important-"

1635
01:07:18,405 --> 01:07:19,707
"-than true love."

1636
01:07:20,041 --> 01:07:22,409
What in the FUCK?

1637
01:07:23,343 --> 01:07:24,411
-Why would they send
Candice up?

1638
01:07:24,444 --> 01:07:25,512
What's their angle?

1639
01:07:25,545 --> 01:07:26,714
I'm not buying this
"true love" horse shit

1640
01:07:26,748 --> 01:07:27,615
for one second!

1641
01:07:27,649 --> 01:07:28,650
But WHO benefits??

1642
01:07:28,683 --> 01:07:31,284
Sending a young lady
thirty-five million miles

1643
01:07:31,318 --> 01:07:32,787
to visit her boyfriend
doesn't float!

1644
01:07:32,820 --> 01:07:34,722
We need to FOL-LOW
THE MON-EY!

1645
01:07:48,535 --> 01:07:50,203
- It's just a bunch of
contracts for

1646
01:07:50,237 --> 01:07:52,406
product placement and
deposits from investors...

1647
01:07:52,439 --> 01:07:54,441
That doesn't explain why
they'd send Candice up!

1648
01:07:54,676 --> 01:07:55,843
Hittin' a brick wall here.

1649
01:07:55,877 --> 01:07:57,344
Think, Cooter! THINK!

1650
01:07:57,377 --> 01:07:58,646
I <i>need</i> more meth!

1651
01:08:02,016 --> 01:08:03,283
- OF COURSE!!!

1652
01:08:04,284 --> 01:08:06,319
- Elron Branson took
twelve million dollars

1653
01:08:06,353 --> 01:08:07,989
from different investors
to showcase their

1654
01:08:08,022 --> 01:08:09,657
products on his
space station!

1655
01:08:09,691 --> 01:08:11,358
That's a lot of fuckin' money

1656
01:08:11,391 --> 01:08:12,960
for a passing mention
on the news!

1657
01:08:12,994 --> 01:08:15,663
My mind is a
FUCKIN' razor blade

1658
01:08:15,697 --> 01:08:17,632
I can SEE
in between TIME!

1659
01:08:17,932 --> 01:08:19,599
Only half of the
sponsors are paying

1660
01:08:19,634 --> 01:08:20,567
for the product placement

1661
01:08:20,600 --> 01:08:22,335
The others get a free ride
because they're

1662
01:08:22,369 --> 01:08:24,571
shell companies for
whoever's really in charge!

1663
01:08:24,605 --> 01:08:25,439
BUT WHO?!

1664
01:08:25,472 --> 01:08:27,008
What do these products
have in common?

1665
01:08:27,041 --> 01:08:28,609
They range from
everything between

1666
01:08:28,643 --> 01:08:31,344
home appliances and
pizza delivery services.

1667
01:08:33,648 --> 01:08:35,983
- I got three large thick
crust pepperoini and

1668
01:08:36,017 --> 01:08:37,685
sausages for a...

1669
01:08:38,452 --> 01:08:39,586
Dopey Twink?

1670
01:08:41,122 --> 01:08:43,691
- WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?!

1671
01:08:44,125 --> 01:08:46,994
- I <i>TOLD</i> YOU
PAPANERO'S PIZZA!

1672
01:08:47,028 --> 01:08:48,428
- WRONG ANSWER!

1673
01:08:48,462 --> 01:08:51,465
AAAHHHH!!!

1674
01:08:51,498 --> 01:08:52,432
Please stop!
PLEASE STOP!

1675
01:08:52,466 --> 01:08:53,500
PLEAAAASE!!!

1676
01:08:53,533 --> 01:08:56,637
I'm just trying to payoff
my student loans, man!

1677
01:08:56,671 --> 01:08:58,706
- If you wanna ever see
the light of day again

1678
01:08:58,740 --> 01:09:00,440
you'd better start talkin'!

1679
01:09:00,474 --> 01:09:01,776
TAKE US UP THE CHAIN!

1680
01:09:01,809 --> 01:09:05,345
- You're gonna have to
speak to my manager!

1681
01:09:06,814 --> 01:09:08,315
- LUUUUCY!

1682
01:09:08,582 --> 01:09:10,517
I'M HOOOOOOOME!

1683
01:09:10,550 --> 01:09:11,819
- What the hell is going on?

1684
01:09:11,853 --> 01:09:13,420
- DADDY! HELP US!

1685
01:09:13,453 --> 01:09:14,689
No, no!

1686
01:09:15,623 --> 01:09:16,791
- DON'T WORRY, KYLE!

1687
01:09:16,824 --> 01:09:19,060
I'LL KILL AS MANY PEOPLE
AS I HAVE TO

1688
01:09:19,093 --> 01:09:20,795
TO GET YOU
BACK ON EARTH!

1689
01:09:21,662 --> 01:09:23,363
- You recognize this
piece of shit?!

1690
01:09:23,396 --> 01:09:25,066
- I'm sorry, Mr. Keppler!

1691
01:09:25,099 --> 01:09:27,367
They cut my fucking
toe off!

1692
01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:30,071
- Oh, that's right.
You fucked with the

1693
01:09:30,104 --> 01:09:31,906
wrong people this time.

1694
01:09:31,939 --> 01:09:34,609
- I don't know what's
going on please.

1695
01:09:35,475 --> 01:09:38,012
The ants are gonna
come in the morning bitch.

1696
01:09:38,311 --> 01:09:39,479
Chomp chomp.

1697
01:09:39,814 --> 01:09:40,782
Chomp chomp.

1698
01:09:40,815 --> 01:09:43,517
- I told you all I know.
Our parent company is

1699
01:09:43,550 --> 01:09:45,686
Technological Human
Electronic Household

1700
01:09:45,720 --> 01:09:48,089
Optimal Luxury Organic
Cyber Anthropomorphic

1701
01:09:48,122 --> 01:09:50,758
Utility Systems Treatment
Worldwide Analytic Software

1702
01:09:50,792 --> 01:09:53,426
- The Holocaust Was
Greatly Exaggerated!

1703
01:09:53,460 --> 01:09:55,062
They bankrolled the
whole fucking thing!

1704
01:09:55,096 --> 01:09:56,798
Branson didn't have the
scratch to pay for the

1705
01:09:56,831 --> 01:09:58,766
mission himself so he
links up with this company

1706
01:09:58,800 --> 01:10:00,902
and promises them the
best advertising opportunity

1707
01:10:00,935 --> 01:10:03,603
money can by. Now he just
needs people to tune in.

1708
01:10:03,638 --> 01:10:04,939
Candace shows up at the
launchpad and they're

1709
01:10:04,972 --> 01:10:06,674
like "Shit! This'll be
some drama."

1710
01:10:06,707 --> 01:10:07,842
"Let's send her
up so people can

1711
01:10:07,875 --> 01:10:08,976
watch the fireworks!"

1712
01:10:09,010 --> 01:10:11,045
But now you're telling me
that there's no way the

1713
01:10:11,078 --> 01:10:13,047
design of that ship would
be able to withstand the

1714
01:10:13,080 --> 01:10:15,348
radiation from the
Van Allen Belt?

1715
01:10:15,382 --> 01:10:17,517
- Yes, I, I worked in
aerospace engineering

1716
01:10:17,551 --> 01:10:19,654
for thirty-five years.
Please don't kill me.

1717
01:10:19,687 --> 01:10:21,055
Oh God don't kill me.

1718
01:10:21,088 --> 01:10:23,658
- Listen to this.

1719
01:10:23,691 --> 01:10:26,027
Billionaire
philanthropist Elron Branson

1720
01:10:26,060 --> 01:10:28,729
was killed today in a tragic
accident aboard the Mars

1721
01:10:28,763 --> 01:10:29,931
Enterprise space station.

1722
01:10:29,964 --> 01:10:31,732
- Bull fucking shit he was.

1723
01:10:31,766 --> 01:10:33,634
There's your twenty four
seven fucking permenant

1724
01:10:33,668 --> 01:10:36,037
paid fucking commercial
you fucking sick fucks.

1725
01:10:36,070 --> 01:10:40,373
Ah, my skin is on
fucking fire right now.

1726
01:10:42,576 --> 01:10:44,779
There's their headquarters
and I'll bet you all the

1727
01:10:44,812 --> 01:10:46,479
meth in the world that
they're doing more than

1728
01:10:46,513 --> 01:10:48,381
making home
appliances in there.

1729
01:10:49,851 --> 01:10:50,751
Aha!

1730
01:10:50,785 --> 01:10:51,752
Skinheads!

1731
01:10:51,786 --> 01:10:54,521
I knew it! All this time
I thought the Holocaust

1732
01:10:54,554 --> 01:10:57,091
Was Greatly Exaggerated
was just a hilarious name.

1733
01:10:57,124 --> 01:11:00,027
Now I see it's something
darker. It's a fucking front

1734
01:11:00,061 --> 01:11:02,063
for a White Power group.
Of course!

1735
01:11:04,632 --> 01:11:07,500
Ah! My mind is moving in
hyperspace man.

1736
01:11:07,534 --> 01:11:09,937
They fucking pay Branson
to advertise their products

1737
01:11:09,971 --> 01:11:12,405
and set up an all White
colony on a new planet.

1738
01:11:12,439 --> 01:11:14,108
They think it will show
people how a one race

1739
01:11:14,141 --> 01:11:15,309
world would be a utopia!

1740
01:11:15,343 --> 01:11:17,577
Then with all the profits
from their product placements

1741
01:11:17,612 --> 01:11:19,146
they'll send up more
and more people!

1742
01:11:19,180 --> 01:11:20,815
- I so horny.

1743
01:11:20,848 --> 01:11:23,684
- Me too Sleepy. Me too.

1744
01:11:23,718 --> 01:11:25,853
But we have some
Nazis to kill.

1745
01:11:32,093 --> 01:11:35,162
Here we go twinks!
The entire energy of

1746
01:11:35,196 --> 01:11:37,732
the universe is
within us!

1747
01:11:40,467 --> 01:11:43,470
What in the fuck?

1748
01:11:49,277 --> 01:11:50,077
Twinks!

1749
01:11:50,111 --> 01:11:51,979
That's the fucking
space ship!

1750
01:11:52,013 --> 01:11:53,781
They never went
to fucking Mars.

1751
01:11:53,814 --> 01:11:55,816
Branson and the fucking
Nazis knew they couldn't

1752
01:11:55,850 --> 01:11:57,852
get a hotel up there.
The whole thing was

1753
01:11:57,885 --> 01:11:58,920
a giant scam!

1754
01:11:58,953 --> 01:12:01,521
Branson steels billions
from investors, then that

1755
01:12:01,554 --> 01:12:03,224
phony fucker fackes his
own death and makes

1756
01:12:03,257 --> 01:12:04,292
off with the cash!

1757
01:12:04,325 --> 01:12:07,194
Then these skinhead pieces
of shit use the accident

1758
01:12:07,228 --> 01:12:09,196
to get the whole world
watching their bullshit

1759
01:12:09,230 --> 01:12:11,198
racist White utiopia
propaganda...

1760
01:12:11,232 --> 01:12:12,800
while getting rich
selling their

1761
01:12:12,833 --> 01:12:14,735
vacuum cleaners
and blenders!

1762
01:12:14,769 --> 01:12:16,904
It's almost too simple.

1763
01:12:19,073 --> 01:12:20,507
- Huh?

1764
01:12:24,511 --> 01:12:26,881
The station is wrecked.
How am I breathing?

1765
01:12:30,017 --> 01:12:31,252
God?

1766
01:12:31,285 --> 01:12:34,055
Oh no, what have I done?

1767
01:12:34,956 --> 01:12:36,724
Forgive me Lord!

1768
01:12:42,930 --> 01:12:44,165
Jesus?

1769
01:12:44,198 --> 01:12:45,498
- Cooter?

1770
01:12:45,532 --> 01:12:47,168
- Kyle! What's up man?

1771
01:12:47,201 --> 01:12:50,237
- What the fuck, what is
hap... How are you on Mars?

1772
01:12:50,271 --> 01:12:51,806
- You never went to Mars.

1773
01:12:51,839 --> 01:12:54,507
You're in a warehouse 20
miles south of Carlan, NV.

1774
01:12:54,541 --> 01:12:57,544
The fucking Nazis used you
for their sick white supremecy

1775
01:12:57,577 --> 01:12:59,013
utopia commercial.

1776
01:12:59,046 --> 01:13:00,081
- What are you talking about?

1777
01:13:00,114 --> 01:13:02,116
- I had to beat the living
shit out of a pizza boy

1778
01:13:02,149 --> 01:13:04,251
to figure it out. But it's
all right now.

1779
01:13:04,285 --> 01:13:06,287
- Mister Cooter.
Skinheads!

1780
01:13:12,559 --> 01:13:13,794
- Someone tell me
what is happening.

1781
01:13:13,828 --> 01:13:15,696
- Shit's starting
to get fun.

1782
01:13:15,730 --> 01:13:17,098
Twinks?

1783
01:13:17,131 --> 01:13:18,565
Light 'em up.

1784
01:13:35,449 --> 01:13:37,885
Bashfull, I'm out of ammo!

1785
01:13:37,918 --> 01:13:38,953
Throw me another clip!

1786
01:13:38,986 --> 01:13:40,054
- Okay Mister Cooter.

1787
01:13:41,088 --> 01:13:44,992
Bashful!

1788
01:14:08,783 --> 01:14:11,185
Three hundred
and sixty seven people were

1789
01:14:11,218 --> 01:14:14,688
killed today in a firefight
outside of Carlan Nevada.

1790
01:14:14,722 --> 01:14:17,691
A horrific scene that lead
authorities to discover

1791
01:14:17,725 --> 01:14:21,796
Sir Elron Branson's entire
Mars Voyager mission

1792
01:14:21,829 --> 01:14:22,963
was a hoax.

1793
01:14:22,997 --> 01:14:26,167
Details are still unfolding
but from what we can tell

1794
01:14:26,200 --> 01:14:28,836
the now discraced billionaire
had elaborately faked his

1795
01:14:28,869 --> 01:14:31,739
own death with the help of
a white supremecist

1796
01:14:31,772 --> 01:14:35,076
home appliance company
in a scheme to bilk investors

1797
01:14:35,109 --> 01:14:38,012
out of their money
and sell products

1798
01:14:38,045 --> 01:14:39,947
with incredibly
offensive names.

1799
01:14:39,980 --> 01:14:41,348
Here we see the footage

1800
01:14:41,382 --> 01:14:42,883
For Elron Branson being taken

1801
01:14:42,917 --> 01:14:43,784
into custody

1802
01:14:43,818 --> 01:14:45,052
earlier this evening.

1803
01:14:45,086 --> 01:14:47,955
The four surviving astronauts
are finally being reconnected

1804
01:14:47,988 --> 01:14:49,690
with their loved ones
here on Earth.

1805
01:14:51,225 --> 01:14:54,228
- Ah, hey guys.
Had sort of a ah...

1806
01:14:54,261 --> 01:14:56,063
crazy trip, ha, ha.

1807
01:14:56,097 --> 01:14:57,865
And I have to go to jail now.

1808
01:15:00,134 --> 01:15:02,136
That's all the time we have
tonight. Stay tuned for

1809
01:15:02,169 --> 01:15:04,305
Jimmy Fallon who's gonna
be playing "guess who"

1810
01:15:04,338 --> 01:15:06,907
with that squirrel from
the Oreos commercials.

1811
01:15:13,747 --> 01:15:16,417
Hey, how'd it go? Um...

1812
01:15:16,450 --> 01:15:18,419
What, what kinda
stuff are they asking?

1813
01:15:18,452 --> 01:15:21,722
- Just like...
what happened when

1814
01:15:21,755 --> 01:15:23,757
Wimmy went crazy
and stuff like that.

1815
01:15:23,791 --> 01:15:26,293
- Oh, okay. Um...

1816
01:15:26,327 --> 01:15:27,695
Are you doing alright?

1817
01:15:27,728 --> 01:15:28,629
- Yeah.

1818
01:15:28,662 --> 01:15:31,765
I'm still shaken up
a bit but... yeah.

1819
01:15:32,233 --> 01:15:33,934
So, I guess...

1820
01:15:33,968 --> 01:15:35,970
This is...

1821
01:15:36,003 --> 01:15:36,837
it.

1822
01:15:36,871 --> 01:15:38,806
- Yeah, I, I guess so.

1823
01:15:39,907 --> 01:15:41,909
So what are you
gonna do now?

1824
01:15:41,942 --> 01:15:44,111
Just hang around
at the bar with Cooter?

1825
01:15:44,145 --> 01:15:46,046
- Oh no. No.

1826
01:15:46,080 --> 01:15:47,982
Cooter's in a lot of
trouble. He killed like...

1827
01:15:48,015 --> 01:15:49,183
hundreds of people.

1828
01:15:49,216 --> 01:15:51,752
- Yeah but it was kinda
in self defence.

1829
01:15:51,785 --> 01:15:53,154
- No, no, no, no, before that

1830
01:15:53,187 --> 01:15:55,756
He killed like nine people
or something in the weeks

1831
01:15:55,789 --> 01:15:57,424
leading up to that gunfight.

1832
01:15:57,458 --> 01:15:59,160
I think like two of
them were children.

1833
01:15:59,193 --> 01:16:00,694
- Oh my God.

1834
01:16:00,728 --> 01:16:02,296
- Yeah, huh, yeah.

1835
01:16:02,329 --> 01:16:05,199
- Are you going to
visit him in prison?

1836
01:16:05,232 --> 01:16:08,435
- Um... I don't think so.

1837
01:16:09,970 --> 01:16:11,205
- Well...

1838
01:16:11,238 --> 01:16:12,740
see you around.

1839
01:16:13,841 --> 01:16:15,442
- Hey Candace, um...

1840
01:16:16,443 --> 01:16:18,712
I'm sorry that I hurt you.

1841
01:16:18,746 --> 01:16:19,980
I really am.

1842
01:16:20,014 --> 01:16:21,148
- I know.

1843
01:16:21,182 --> 01:16:23,050
And some day...

1844
01:16:23,083 --> 01:16:24,752
I'll be okay with it.

1845
01:16:29,456 --> 01:16:31,258
- Hey, Elron!

1846
01:16:31,559 --> 01:16:34,161
- Oh, hey Kyle.

1847
01:16:34,195 --> 01:16:36,397
Uh... How's it going?

1848
01:16:36,430 --> 01:16:39,099
- So is it true? It was all a
hoax from the beginning?

1849
01:16:39,133 --> 01:16:41,502
- Yep, ah. Pretty much, ah.

1850
01:16:41,535 --> 01:16:43,837
I thought if I made a deal
with those white nationalists

1851
01:16:43,871 --> 01:16:45,739
I can finally fake my
death and dissappear

1852
01:16:45,773 --> 01:16:46,840
with a ton of money.

1853
01:16:46,874 --> 01:16:48,976
- Dude I just don't get it.
You were already rich.

1854
01:16:49,009 --> 01:16:50,477
I mean you had everything.

1855
01:16:50,511 --> 01:16:52,079
Why would you want
to fake you're own death?

1856
01:16:52,112 --> 01:16:53,948
- Well...

1857
01:16:53,981 --> 01:16:57,451
I have this fiance who just
absolutely smothers me.

1858
01:17:01,989 --> 01:17:04,825
And then Cooter just kept
laughing and shooting

1859
01:17:04,858 --> 01:17:08,462
the corpses until they
just sort of like... jellified.

1860
01:17:08,762 --> 01:17:10,364
- Thank you Mister Capshaw.

1861
01:17:11,666 --> 01:17:13,334
- I gotta say, this is kind
of a Godsend for us

1862
01:17:13,367 --> 01:17:14,034
here at NASA.

1863
01:17:14,068 --> 01:17:15,102
- What do you mean?
How so?

1864
01:17:15,135 --> 01:17:17,238
- Well this is exactly the
kind of story we need

1865
01:17:17,271 --> 01:17:19,173
to get the federal government
to give us our funding back.

1866
01:17:19,206 --> 01:17:21,175
- What happened to you
is a perfect example of

1867
01:17:21,208 --> 01:17:23,244
corporatism in the
sciences run amok.

1868
01:17:23,277 --> 01:17:25,012
- We're gonna put that
Peggy Bork lady on

1869
01:17:25,045 --> 01:17:27,414
every talk show in the
country telling this story.

1870
01:17:27,448 --> 01:17:28,315
- Peggy?

1871
01:17:28,349 --> 01:17:30,884
- Yeah. She's gonna be
a national hero.

1872
01:17:30,918 --> 01:17:32,920
We're gonna make her
the new face of NASA.

1873
01:17:32,953 --> 01:17:35,422
Neil Armstrong can suck
my fucking nuts.

1874
01:17:35,456 --> 01:17:37,825
We're in the Peggy
Bork business now.

1875
01:17:37,858 --> 01:17:41,195
- Ah, that's cool but...

1876
01:17:41,228 --> 01:17:44,398
What about me?
I mean I actually did...

1877
01:17:44,431 --> 01:17:45,866
way more stuff than Peggy.

1878
01:17:45,899 --> 01:17:48,369
- Yeah... The thing is uh...

1879
01:17:49,336 --> 01:17:53,207
Peggy more represents the
image we want out there...

1880
01:17:53,240 --> 01:17:54,241
for NASA.

1881
01:17:54,275 --> 01:17:56,510
- Are you fucking
kidding me? Cause she's...

1882
01:17:56,543 --> 01:17:58,112
I mean she's like...

1883
01:17:59,013 --> 01:18:01,315
Look I think that she's
mentally handicapped.

1884
01:18:01,348 --> 01:18:03,150
- Oh come on.
- Ohhh.

1885
01:18:03,183 --> 01:18:06,086
The thing is Kyle, a
cultural icon needs to

1886
01:18:06,120 --> 01:18:09,490
project a certain... essence
of American values

1887
01:18:09,523 --> 01:18:11,225
and... wholesomeness.

1888
01:18:11,258 --> 01:18:12,359
- What are you trying to say?

1889
01:18:13,594 --> 01:18:15,296
- Everyone's seen
the doll video.

1890
01:18:15,329 --> 01:18:17,031
- What doll video?

1891
01:18:17,064 --> 01:18:18,098
- Sandy.

1892
01:18:20,167 --> 01:18:22,903
What do you mean...

1893
01:18:22,936 --> 01:18:25,205
"everybody's seen
the video"?

1894
01:18:25,239 --> 01:18:27,174
- They played it on the
news pretty often while

1895
01:18:27,207 --> 01:18:28,610
you guys were
trapped up there.

1896
01:18:28,643 --> 01:18:31,211
Or, uh, trapped
down here.

1897
01:18:31,245 --> 01:18:32,212
Ha, trapped down here.

1898
01:18:32,246 --> 01:18:34,915
- We just can't have a
doll licker be the face

1899
01:18:34,948 --> 01:18:37,451
of the National Space
Agency.

1900
01:18:41,922 --> 01:18:43,590
Well the stranded
Martian passengers are

1901
01:18:43,625 --> 01:18:46,460
stranded no more.
And we know of one

1902
01:18:46,493 --> 01:18:49,631
little porcelain doll who's
probably very happy

1903
01:18:49,664 --> 01:18:51,231
that they're safe and sound.

1904
01:19:00,974 --> 01:19:02,409
- Oh great.

1905
01:19:05,446 --> 01:19:08,315
I think that's the guy from
the news that licks dolls.

1906
01:19:08,349 --> 01:19:11,085
And Peggy
Bork national press tour

1907
01:19:11,118 --> 01:19:13,987
continues. This morning
she was seen playing

1908
01:19:14,021 --> 01:19:15,589
the xylophone with
Michael Strahan

1909
01:19:15,623 --> 01:19:16,557
on the Today Show.

1910
01:19:16,590 --> 01:19:19,259
And rumors are swirling
that Ryan Gossling has

1911
01:19:19,293 --> 01:19:22,162
been making romantic
andvances. Is it too early

1912
01:19:22,196 --> 01:19:25,032
to start talking about a new
Hollywood power couple?

1913
01:19:25,065 --> 01:19:26,600
Those two are hot.

1914
01:19:26,634 --> 01:19:29,637
- I am strongly attracted
to Peggy Bork.

1915
01:19:32,607 --> 01:19:35,275
- Well it looks like it's
just you and me Sandy.

1916
01:19:35,309 --> 01:19:39,246
From here on out, I have no
idea what's gonna happen

1917
01:19:46,153 --> 01:19:47,521
Oh...

1918
01:19:47,554 --> 01:19:49,223
Come here you.